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Journal: Nothing really. -------------------------------------------Mood: Tokyo Rose    Nothing really new to report, just that I'm happy again. In the sense that I feel whole, knowing where i want to go, and that finally the little pieces of my soul have returned. ...Created 2008-04-13 19:56:08     [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ]

Last 20 Submissions Featured: Recollections of the Past  We are... :|| V: 64 | C: 2 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  Scarlet Letter Guilt :|| V: 72 | C: 1 ||: ::Longing : Class : Poetry :  What Dreams Come From Nothing (complete) :|| V: 100 | C: 1 ||: ::Misc : Class : Story :  untitled :|| V: 189 | C: 2 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  Recollections of the Past :|| V: 97 | C: 3 ||: ::Misc : Class : Poetry :  What Dreams Come from Nothing Pt. 1 :|| V: 75 | C: 2 ||: ::Misc : Class : Story :  Driving Through Maddness :|| V: 130 | C: 1 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  Mother May I? :|| V: 125 | C: 2 ||: ::Being a Teen : Class : Poetry :  Unknown and Untraveled still to remain :|| V: 118 | C: 1 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  Sticky Candy Hands :|| V: 121 | C: 2 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  Give and take of love and break :|| V: 103 | C: 1 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  Toilet Girl :|| V: 161 | C: 3 ||: ::Childrens : Class : Poetry :  Dreams of Love and Fireflies :|| V: 124 | C: 2 ||: ::Love : Class : Story :  Rag Doll :|| V: 165 | C: 4 ||: ::Misc : Class : Poetry :  Your words :|| V: 128 | C: 3 ||: ::Serious : Class : Poetry :  Hidden for good reasons :|| V: 104 | C: 3 ||: ::Serious : Class : Poetry :  Religious Belimia :|| V: 136 | C: 3 ||: ::Religious : Class : Prose :  Zoey :|| V: 122 | C: 3 ||: ::Comedy : Class : Poetry :  untitled :|| V: 145 | C: 4 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  The Sky and the Earth; brethren :|| V: 133 | C: 2 ||: ::Nature : Class : Poetry :

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||| Messages |||

Ok. Talk to me when you are ready. I am always waiting.

| Posted on 2008-04-13 22:32:04 | by EEKS - [ Reply to This ] -

Its ok. I live for long messages from best friends I haven't had the privilege of speaking to in months. I understand now, and its fine. I am not mad at you and I haven't been for a long time. I wasn't mad in the beginning because I figured you had a reason but I got mad as time went by because I couldn't think of a reason for you to not want to talk to me and I felt like you were angry at me and I got mad back because I didn't understand. But then I just stopped being mad again because it wasn't helping. I can understand why sometimes you might think you are better off without me. I won't say I have never thought the same but I have never once really wanted you gone. And ever since you left, all i wanted was for you to take me back. Every word from you was a weird personal victory. Take as much time as you need, just don't leave me. Richard laughed by the way.

| Posted on 2008-04-13 20:48:08 | by EEKS - [ Reply to This ] -

It was an important time for me. It was a huge thing and I hated that I couldn't talk to you about it. I knew you'd be one of the only people who would understand that I had waited and that this wasn't just some thing to me because if it was, i would have done it before. I thought about calling you. But I couldn't think of a non-dumb way to talk to you. I never knew you just needed time. I thought you just needed for me to not be around. And I thought that we weren't talking because of madness, not you needing distance. I can understand that better. What I couldn't understand was you just not talking to me, obviously angry, and out of nowhere, not being my friend at all. I didn't get it, I didn't know what to do because I knew you wouldn't want me to try and talk to you about it.

| Posted on 2008-04-13 20:16:09 | by EEKS - [ Reply to This ] -

I didn't want to guilt trip you or piss you off or anything like that. I wanted to hit some nerve in you that would make you say something. All I ever wanted to know was that you would come back. I know sometimes you don't see it but I need you. I dont need you to love me to the point of craziness or to want me or whatever the [censored] but I need to know that at the end of the day when I am falling apart, the part of you that loves me is still there. I didn't know that. I didn't know you needed time or space. I thought all you needed was for me to be gone.

| Posted on 2008-04-13 19:35:40 | by EEKS - [ Reply to This ] -

I am a loser for writing this. But I was digging through my old stuff trying to find some decent lines (like I do sometimes when I am feeling lame) and I found one of my poems I wrote right after me and Caleb broke up. And your comment said this at the end. "Cause i'm always here for you, perhaps not like them, but i'll ALWAYs be here, whether or not i like it sometimes, but i'll never leave you. And you'll do fine." Funny how stuff works out sometimes right? Once upon a time we thought this friendship would last forever, turns out it cant even span high school. I sent you the gold on Gaia because I dont get on much anymore and so I decided to send it your way.

| Posted on 2008-04-11 01:00:05 | by EEKS - [ Reply to This ] -

Hi, this reply is SUPER late, I'm sorry. It's been THAT long since I've logged in! Anyway, you posted a comment asking my spiritual orientation in response to my poem, "Turn Back." Well, you may have guessed I'm an atheist, devoutly so. I wrote that after a long talk with a depressed Christian friend who was beginning to question her faith. And while she was feeling vulnerable and it would have been so easy to change her mind right then and there, and make her agree with me, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I think the concept of God is primarily a coping mechanism, and the idea of a Creator is deeply comforting when no one else in your life is there for you. I also know the amazing feeling of connectedness and acceptance, however artificial, and how hard it was to give up. Atheism truly is a painful path to choose, but I think really, all religions (and nonreligions) are filled with doubt, struggle, and persecution. It's just a matter of choosing what's right for you. For her, I knew she couldn't hang on without God. And thus, "Turn Back" was born.

| Posted on 2007-11-07 20:20:31 | by Pax Parvani - [ Reply to This ] -

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