--Elite Writer Alias: one who rages Name: dylan quinn ASL: 20 m desmoines iowa Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Education ] Days Away: 5325 Life Story: medicore/fiendish [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 9 Forum Posts: 22 Shoutbox Posts: 40 RP Posts: 4 Signup Date: 6207 D 17.01 Years 1.7 Decades 206.9 Months 886.71 Weeks 6.207000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: we are the new diabolic, we are the bitter bucolic
Yes, I am indeed 13. And no, that pic is not of me. I'm a girl. That is a guitarist from my fave band.
As for my little story thing, it wasn't supposed to rhyme anywhere. I was unaware that it did. Sorry. xD It was just intended to be something for me to remember my latest boyfriend by. That really is what happened.
You left a very interesting comment chalk full of suggestions. And for that, I thank you. But on two points, how am I supposed to expand a completed piece? And how do I double up rhymes when every single line already has one?
Did you not see anything cleaver already in each line? I'm pretty shure if you look closely, you'll see something of a global theme.
Why ask why? (aka who cares?)
look up at the sky (aka dream)
you will be taken up high (aka they[your dreams, oh so]'re close/pun on the word "high" as you notice later on I'm talking about a drugy)
once you leave us (aka get high) and die (to the world)
and so on and so forth.
"so you started with a rhyming scheme.
god bless end rhyme."
By this did you mean, end with a rhyme? As in make the italicized dialogue rhyme? If that's what you meant, I'll be putting it in the description to avoid further confusion.
"do some micro work within lines."
Would some metering work for this ?
I got the verb tense changing between the first and the second being weird aswell, but it was conflicting with my rhyming scheme, do you have any suggestions for that ?
Do you think for the metering that doing something along the lines of growing to shrinking would give a pleasant effect ?
Once again, THANKS.
P.S: (like actually a while after I originally wrote this) I gave each strophe it's own specific metering... Something like 6/9/9/7/10.. Give it a look maybe tell me if you think it''s helped the piece.
It's a simple D, so the Da Da Das, are a 4/4 time D tonality, just going through the notes that harmonize with D, doesn't matter what they are. The point of it is that it's nothing that is set in stone, it can be whatever you want it to be. That's why it's the Invisible Beat.