--Elite Writer Alias: raincloud Name: Theodore ASL: Central America Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Website ] Blog:[ Blog ] Days Away: 3553 Life Story: Freedom. [ Ignore User ]
Favorites: 4 Forum Posts: 29 Shoutbox Posts: 4 RP Posts: 18 Signup Date: 5589 D 15.31 Years 1.53 Decades 186.3 Months 798.43 Weeks 5.589000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: I chew my grass until it becomes more than I expected
no problem, there atre parts i think I, as well others who read the poem "murder" reall6y liked. thinking a bit more on it, the ambiguity served to snare myself and others to comment, so that perhaps you might leave it a bit open ended and crazed logically...so there are parts I would not re write..at any rate...there is advice @2 koster
First off, thank you kindly for viewing my poem and commenting! I always appreciate the feedback.
The lack of clarity for Plagiarism was indeed intended, but I can clear a few things up. By the by, I also fixed some grammar.
The Sundays refer to a pause in the week of work for the 'average joe'. The 'Joe' in the poem just so happens to visit an art museum every Sunday, and sits in the same spot, looking at the same pictures. He tells anyone who asks him why he's there, "I will make art like this someday", etc, but fails to as he cannot create anything original.
It's suppose to capture the monotone of a persons life wherein they've a lack of inspiration and depleting hope. There's a desperation- like rising water. We'd all like to be above it, rather than slosh around in it. Monday is like a crushing reality check to where people should realize how shallow they are, but are often too distracted to. I hope that makes sense.
I can go on, but, haha, I think I took up enough space on your page! Thanks again.
wow thanks for the very detailed comments on my two new updates. The song cheap sex and cigarettes i totally understand where you are coming from. I actually wrote it a year ago but decided that it should go up. As for the war poem, i'm glad you liked it! But parts do need some work
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