Actually, we are really close and do have feelings for each other. I'm just consumed with self-loathing at times and need healing from the past. In fact, I have broken her heart 4 times in the last 4 months. I've left her and devoted her. She has never once treated me unkind. She is quite amazing and lovely.
this is definitely not a one sided thing, but for some reason I'm just not secure in her feelings and I fall to rage and fly into jealousy. Its gotten a lot better and today we are even closer. Its funny because these two hard writes are among her favorites.
oh yeah..Im not at all suicidal and never have been, but last not i was enraged with jealousy and wrote this and part II in 15 minutes. I wish all poetry can flow so powerfully, at all times like last night.
Fist full of pills was just coin term and not an attempt to off myself.
thanx for the comment and concern, but I'm back to my jovial self.
Btw, I was completely wrong. There's jealousy for you.