silverpen

Well... if ya'll haven't noticed, my presence around here lately is less than shining and obvious.
The reason being is that I'm pretty busy-- not so busy that I don't have an extra second, but busy enough to just spend my time lazing off in front of the TV or behind a book instead of writing on my computer.

It's like I have the urge to write... I want to create something beautiful again! I want to make the words flow into my own world again!... but every time I try to sit down, I feel overwhelmed by this wave of exhaustion, and I feel... like I'm growing away from it. I feel kind of like writing isn't just PART of me like it used to be. It used to be that every time I sat still, I would be writing madly or sketching all the same. Whenever I got home it was straight to the computer to keep working on my story or to check for new posts on any Role Plays of mine. Now it's just... "Well, I feel like making a poem... eh, I'll just let the computer rest for now."

Is this what happens to all adults? As you get older? I think it happens to a lot of people, and they don't realize what's going on. They don't see that they're losing the things that made them happy as children and are morphing into different creatures altogether, and so they become tunnel-minded while under the anesthesia of ignorance. But are there ever people that see it? That feel themselves beginning to slip away and want to cling to it, but can't find that passion anymore? And then there's the pain. Oh, the pain. It feels like losing someone that you really love... because you are. Growing up, you lose a piece of yourself that was capable of meaningless happiness, that made you smile so many times, and let you cry your heart out.
Of course, I guess everyone wouldn't lose it. There are people strong enough with the right kind of personality that will allow them to retain some of the childish openness... but even the best of people sometimes can't keep life from busting in on them. Hmmm.
I'm really optimistic, right?

-.-;

What else...
Matt came up here recently. And I know he'll probably-read-this-maybe but I still want to talk about it.
We had a great time... or, at least I had a great time. Saturday was the awkward-first-meeting in which our parents had a quick chat and I stashed the gift he brought in my bathroom. Then we headed out for lunch at a Chicken place thing. It wasn't too bad; I was so nervous though! It sounds weird, but I feel strange eating in front of people when I'm also trying to look graceful or pretty. Anyways, we finished up there and then went back, followed by a trip with just me and Matt walking around at the mall. I know, romantic, right? It was going to be a movie, which would have been loads better, but the time gap between then and the (FLU INFECTED) Halloween party was a little too short to cover. So, walking around at the mall it was. There were a few off moments (I actually dropped my keys. Kill me now. Please.) that were a little off but most of the time was nice. It was just.. wonderful to spend the time with him.
Then, after that we headed towards the Halloween party, in which I was in a Masquerade thing and he was.. well, himself. It was pretty fun-- Twister especially. I tried to drag him out of the corner a few times or at least stand over there with him. Hoping that wasn't too bad of an experience.
Went home, snuck in a quick kiss...
Time lapse to Sunday!
Sunday was basically eating breakfast, then playing video games (>.>) until he had to go back to college. It wasn't very eventful, but... special. To me. I wanted to cherish every second but they were going by too fast to be counted. Then, that time was over, just like that...
And now I really miss him...
So much. >.<
Baaahhhhh!
Anyways. I know it's a lot better than most long distance relationships get, you know? Like a lot luckier and stuff like that. But now I just miss him so much. And that's making feelings that I don't like to have, like jealously, and sadness, maybe snappiness. Stupid things. Damn being a teenager! Gotta love it.

Er, anyways.. *Cough* Wanted tah get that off mah chest. And now I have done so, and I'm tired of writing this journal, so I'll write more later possibly but for now I'm gone to go do something else. Good afternoon, dear reader, and may you be pulled in the right directions.

-Silver-