--Elite Writer Alias: siroez Name: Not myself but You. ASL: 23/Male/WV Bio: [ Quick Bio ] Website:[ Website ] Days Away: 10 Life Story: live. love. learn. [ Ignore User ] Favorites: 10 Forum Posts: 2 Shoutbox Posts: 4 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 1632 D 4.47 Years 0.45 Decades 54.4 Months 233.14 Weeks 1.632000e+8 Heart Beats -There you go eggman Quote: The truth hurts, but the sun always sets. AIM: BirdsForFish [ Communicate asdf ] Recent Favorites: The Fall by Cloacina untitled by Crown of Thorns by Natalia Petro Wrestling With Words by beatthedrum More Than A Rant by DiamondTears View all Faves Featured: Like A Feather... [ + RSS ] [ + Google It ] [ + My Yahoo ] Currently Stalking: EmpathicAya, LRRolins

Journal: IF YOU ARE HERE -------------------------------------------Mood: DANG IT!    If any of you read this, and would like to critique my poetry I have a favor to ask you. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE show my me grammar and punctuation, mistakes. Ive gotten a lot of critiques with a comment saying that I need to work on that. AND I AGREE~!~ just let me know what you think is wrong and I will try to make corrections :D -ME ...Created 2009-01-03 17:11:26     [ View Past Journals ] [ View as Blog ]

Last 20 Submissions Featured: Like A Feather...  The Only Sign On The Road :|| V: 28 | C: 1 ||: ::Passion : Class : Poetry :  How Is This Not Murder :|| V: 33 | C: 1 ||: ::Serious : Class : Poetry :  a rebuttal to my father :|| V: 98 | C: 3 ||: ::Love : Class : Poetry :  One Unkept Canary :|| V: 58 | C: 3 ||: ::Longing : Class : Prose :  Like A Feather... :|| V: 94 | C: 6 ||: ::Passion : Class : Poetry :  OFF Centered from the "Right" :|| V: 123 | C: 2 ||: ::Longing : Class : Poetry :  The :|| V: 97 | C: 3 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  The Mountain? (Updated Vers. 1.2) :|| V: 113 | C: 2 ||: ::Nostalgia : Class : Story :  Dear Alice, :|| V: 148 | C: 2 ||: ::Misc : Class : Misc :  An Equation Containing Three :|| V: 193 | C: 0 ||: ::Serious : Class : Poetry :  A Self Describing Mirror :|| V: 212 | C: 2 ||: ::Misc : Class : Prose :  The Barren Wasteland :|| V: 206 | C: 1 ||: ::Serious : Class : Poetry :  (Unfinished) Unconsciousness of Realms :|| V: 184 | C: 1 ||: ::Mirror or Mask : Class : Poetry :  A Past To Hide :|| V: 268 | C: 1 ||: ::Serious : Class : Poetry :  Day 4 - Burning :|| V: 212 | C: 1 ||: ::Longing : Class : Poetry :  (unfinished - "missing lines") :|| V: 273 | C: 5 ||: ::Romance : Class : Poetry :  Muted :|| V: 254 | C: 4 ||: ::Nature : Class : Poetry :  To My Father :|| V: 249 | C: 5 ||: :: : Class : Poetry :  The Alternate Personality :|| V: 264 | C: 4 ||: ::Them : Class : Poetry :  The Tolerance of Truth :|| V: 270 | C: 5 ||: ::Nature : Class : Poetry :

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I want to comment on some of your work, but you have been away too long, or something, because the boxes for the comments have disappeared from your poems! I'll come back another time. I can correct grammar and spelling, as you ask (above), and it will be fun because usually people don't like that kind of criticism! But actually, written English is so different from conversational forms, that learning the literary conventions is part of the art ... even when we set out to be unconventional! One interesting thing is that if we don't want to publish our writing, but just want to use the Internet, there is absolutely no penalty for wrong spelling and grammar! No Editors or Teachers. I kind of like that freedom, because most young people can't spell, etc, but they don't have to be shy here! Except, I'm embarrassed when I can't understand what somebody has written!

| Posted on 2009-06-01 00:20:36 | by Glen Bowman - [ Reply to This ] -

Thhank you. =] I'm glad you sensed that feeling of peace from the work itself.That makes me feel a lil bit better. I tend to get easily frustrated with little things including myself and especially when things change in an unjust way per say.I don't why I'm that way.I just am I guess. The cottage,kids,chemise metaphor is a daydream/wish that I really want and I go to very frequently when I try to calm myself down.It's the way I view my future when I'm older and married which doesn't seem to be that far away now that I think of it.Chemise is a drees,but it is made out of a very thin,sheer material so many people wear them more as a shoulderwrap or something to keep a chill off of their shoulders like during the summer er something. SPeaking of the chemise itself though,it has a specific metaphor = comfort...which so happens to take a real life form,for me, as my boyfriend giving me hug er something.Back on subject though,that daydream is always broken by reality eventually so I end up going into an almost catatonic state for a period of time honestly.That's what the poem is saying,but the truth is it never started that way.It was originally going to be a love poem talking about the sky blue cottage,etc...then my day went downhill obiviously.Finishing the peom the way I did...did make me feel much better though. =] SO how are you?

| Posted on 2009-01-28 22:45:34 | by LRRolins - [ Reply to This ] -

Ahahaha!!!I have returned!! You are a wonderful man,mister. Sorry I haven't been on in such a very long time.Frankly,times have been hard and I have not been very inspired,to say the least.So,how you doing? =]

| Posted on 2009-01-27 00:04:18 | by LRRolins - [ Reply to This ] -

Thank you very much for commenting on "Ungrateful!" I didn't think it was gonna get any comments! ~Melissa~

| Posted on 2009-01-11 17:46:53 | by black_beauty18 - [ Reply to This ] -

I actually agree with you in the punctuation thing, but I feel like it only works in art only if it's deliberate. Otherwise, I feel it's just carelessness. You'd get your message across cleaner if readers didn't get caught up in the mistakes. >Grammar nazi< That's why I love when people correct my own punctuation, and I try to fix it, because there are little things I end up missing. Like adding a comma, which adds a slight pause where there shouldn't be. Your poetry flows to beautifully for it to be stopped by random hooks of punctuation errors. But I make them too, so I understand. And sometimes I don't care either, but it is really important, I feel, to do the best you can either. It's a piece of art, you gotta make it beautiful, of course! But you also gotta care about it, dress it up nice before you send it off. HAHAHA!! I hope I am making sense and not being critical, that is not my intent in the least bit, I hope I didn't make an enemy. Anyways, your work is really good. Be well, always. ~Azura*

| Posted on 2008-10-11 16:25:01 | by EmpathicAya - [ Reply to This ] -

Lawlz!!Three,really?! lol I didn't think about that.I'll prolly do more soon.Idk yet.Ty for the comment on "Untitled". It's one of my personal favourites,actually. Cole is not really even in my life anymore.Shame.Sometimes,I wonder why I write such things.I guess he was like a dream guy to me.No clue.Man,that sounds so impersonal and shallow of me.I did care for him so very,very much.But he let me go.What's a girl to do then?? lol Yea,I still talk to him everynow and then though,so it's cool. WHy am I still rambling on about that? >,< Anyways,I never really seen it as unfinished or finished.At the same time. Yea,that doesn't make any bloody sense. lol It's a writing;it's a wanking paradox,I say.I'm glad you like the piece though. =]

| Posted on 2008-10-08 23:32:28 | by LRRolins - [ Reply to This ] -

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