Hi, Thank you for your comment and feedback. I used so many quotation marks to indicate longer breaks I suppose, I see how it could be confusing but I wanted to try this; It just felt 'right'.
The middle part of the poem does seem out of place, I completely agree and think that I am going to take it out all together. I wasn't sure about the ending, that too seemed to be unfitting to the piece, but I like it so I think that I will leave it or rework it.
Once again thank you for your time and thoughts=]
I just wrote it a few mins ago off the top of my head- I usually like to rhyme and it worked for the first few lines but afterwards I felt that it would be fake if i intentionally rhymed everything and that's not how I felt so i just went with whatever came to mind. So i guess it's a little of both