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    poetry


    --Elite Writer
    Alias: tagit
    Name: Rick Williams
    ASL: 36 - Male - Canada
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    Generation Quest



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    dotsLast 20 Submissionsdots

    Featured: Generation Quest

     Featured workGeneration Quest
    :|| V: 1156 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Society : Class : Poetry :
     Food for the Garden of Good and Evil
    :|| V: 931 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Nature : Class : Poetry :
     Learning Disabled
    :|| V: 651 | C: 1 ||:
    :: : Class : Poetry :
     Foreigner
    :|| V: 942 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Society : Class : Poetry :
     Cultural Repercussions (revised)
    :|| V: 903 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Grown Promise
    :|| V: 737 | C: 2 ||:
    ::Nostalgia : Class : Poetry :
     Fortified
    :|| V: 950 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Nostalgia : Class : Poetry :
     Cultural Repercussions
    :|| V: 911 | C: 3 ||:
    ::Passion : Class : Poetry :
     Life at Ten Billion
    :|| V: 832 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Our present state
    :|| V: 1150 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Society : Class : Poetry :
     Ritual
    :|| V: 811 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Legend : Class : Poetry :
     Life sentence
    :|| V: 929 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Nostalgia : Class : Poetry :
     Fishing on the periphery
    :|| V: 615 | C: 0 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Peripheries
    :|| V: 947 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Serious : Class : Poetry :
     Control
    :|| V: 525 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     Held at bay
    :|| V: 814 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     Human Nature
    :|| V: 808 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Nature : Class : Poetry :
     When I Get Bitter I Watch Oprah
    :|| V: 684 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Poetry :
     The Hand Marching Song
    :|| V: 780 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Misc : Class : Lyrics :
     Trying to try
    :|| V: 713 | C: 1 ||:
    ::Depressed : Class : Poetry :
    List All...





    ||| Messages |||
      
    I made some revisions to "We Gave Birth to One". Let me know if it is better now.
    | Posted on 2007-11-24 18:37:38 | by AsiaticFox - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Also Ill be checking out some of your stuff soon,I just dont have enough time on my cpu right now to have what I say be worthwile but I will ASAP
    | Posted on 2007-06-24 13:14:20 | by Raphael - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Hey man,just wanted to say thanks for the feedback,I made most of those changes you recommended because they definitely improve the poem,and I used evensong too so thanks a lot for that,it fits very well and fixes the kind of inconsistent tone I had.

    I still think it could be a little better but thatd take a complete rewrite and Im not in form for that at the moment,Im just happy I got somethin out.

    so thanks again,the feedback really helped:-)

    -craig
    | Posted on 2007-06-24 13:12:27 | by Raphael - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Thanks for the comment, I'll have to go over it a few times to understand the literary terms you used and authors/poets you refered to. While most people would take offense to the stone-walled comment you gave I found it to be refreshing compared to the consistant compliments, (not to say I don't love compliments as much as the next guy.) Though I'd have to say I politely disagree with you on one point not all poetry is meant to arouse delight or pleasure, in fact i find the poems that disgust me are far more interesting to read than those that give me that warm fuzzy feeling.

    Thanks for the advice though!
    -christopher
    | Posted on 2007-06-22 02:26:49 | by SlanderousLust - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    Thank you for your comments on my poems!
    'There are Better Worlds': Actually, I probably would have said quite a bit more if there hadn't been a syllable constraint in the exercise I was participating in. We were only aloud to use 50 syllables total, which severely limited what I could say in the poem. If I ever redo this one, it will be considerably longer

    'Catholic Girl': Thanks for your suggestions on the line break, I will go through that poem at a later date and edit it.
    | Posted on 2007-06-11 14:23:53 | by saartha - [ Reply to This ] -
      
    I think the re-write works better. There are a couple of instances where I would personally move a word onto the next line so that it would read:

    The first child was born
    To wail forever anguished
    Trapped under the crippling scales
    Of expectancy’s balance

    Forged into a broken peace maker
    A ghost who invisibly seeks
    To attain attention
    Through a hauntingly bland conformity

    A lost preacher possessed by a desperate optimism
    Has clotted expectations
    That refuse to bleed away
    His stalwart strivings to please

    The soul of a true artist
    Is easily damaged by discouragement
    And then discarded by the ungentle hands
    That grip a defeatist mind

    Now undertaking the simpler role of
    A good ole’ boy perched on a super bike
    With a smile solemn and frozen
    Into the responsibilities of life

    but that's just me. I'm doing it more based on natural pauses and you may be going on something else. I like it though. Thanks for showing me the re-write.
    | Posted on 2007-06-08 17:12:30 | by Predator - [ Reply to This ] -



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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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