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Ah, believe it or not, I'm very glad to hear from someone who doesn't just give me some pansy line about oh yes, God is important to me, love and joy all around. I'm sorry to hear your life has gone so rough for you...and I'll be praying for you, whether you believe it will help or not.
I empathize with your feelings of having Christianity shoved down your throat. Just a few years back, I felt the same way. You see, my dad is a Baptist minister. My whole life has revolved around church from the day I was born. Growing up, I knew nothing else. I didn't realize that I was essentially just mouthing all the right words I had been taught. When I hit 14, my family moved for the third time. And I totally rebelled. I was completely miserable and furious with God for tearing me away from the friends and people I knew and loved. We moved from a beautiful scenic tourist town on Lake Michigan, to Cowtown USA. Not even kidding, its called McBain, and there's nothing but rolling hills and cow farms, population 500 (including cows). Everyone here are red-neck hicks, and tons of Amish too. I despised God. I'd go to church, but only because I was forced. I never prayed. I took my anger out on everyone around me. Until something a speaker said got ahold of my heart.
He told me that Jesus wasn't about religion. Religion was man's attempt to reach God. Jesus was God's attempt to reach man. He told us that going through the rituals and believing in God isn't enough. The bible says even the demons believe in God. We had to accept God's unconditional love for us, that He sent His son to die for our sins, and confess those sins to God, while asking Jesus to live in us and rule our lives. I had asked Jesus into my heart long ago, but I wasn't loving Him like He loved me. I had to take a hard look at everything I believed and make a transfer from "my parent's" beliefs to my own.
So many people claim God, and go through the ritual song and dances, like confirmation and communion and other things, but never truly understand that its a relationship, not a dictatorship. Now those things are good in their place, but they are supposed to symbolize our relationship, not fulfill it. How can some water and catechism and memorizing verses, and eating bread and drinking juice save you? I say this with extreme caution, but perhaps things haven't gone right in your life because Jesus isn't truly in it.
Don't get me wrong. My life isn't all roses because Jesus lives in my heart. I've just recently been diagnosed with clinical depression, and I'm losing my very best friend in the whole world. My mom's store just burnt down, and I can count at least a half dozen rumors circulating about me in my school right now. But I have the assurance He won't give me more than I can handle. And that's comfort beyond all else, and I can honestly say I'm at peace with my life right now, because I know He's in control.
Allow me to end with a few questions, and I'd love to hear a reply from you. Do you believe that there is wrong and right? If so, who decides what is? Have you ever considered what will happen to you when you die? I'm praying for you, my friend.
|| Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by Jengrr - [ Reply to This ] -|