throughmyvoiceName: Cherie ASL: 19/f/US of A Website:[ Education ] Days Away: 4457 Life Story: i grew old young [ Ignore User ] Favorites: 4 Forum Posts: 0 Shoutbox Posts: 0 RP Posts: 0 Signup Date: 6534 D 17.9 Years 1.79 Quote: "Through my voice comes the words of many" |
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Mood: Lonely
...Created 2005-08-09 00:26:09 [ View Past Journals ]
sometimes i think about that oen wall on the freeway and compare it to my heart
i know that's a little self-centered but i realized that everyone is. life is about being self-centered; you don't discover someone else's reason for living...life is all about you.
anyways, there was this beautiful wall by the freeway. it was one that wasn't trashed by graffiti or immaturity or hate. it was a work of art. i don't know who the artist was, or what possessed them to paint it, but i remember the different faces of people, men women, black, white, young, old...all running. and they all had similar expressions of happiness on their faces, all apparently sharing the same delight in the joy of running.
i always loved driving past that wall. it proved to me that some could create art out of what was considered trashing property. as silly as it sounds, i believe it appealed to the child within me cause it showed that yes, some good could be born of the bad
then of course, as all stories go, a few months later the wall was completely vandalized. scribbled over the joyous faces were words of hate, prejudice, and despair. i actually got teary-eyed the first time i passed that wall after it was raped, but like all people who are exposed to tragic things constantly, i got used to it.
and that is the story of how my heart broke.
i know that's a little self-centered but i realized that everyone is. life is about being self-centered; you don't discover someone else's reason for living...life is all about you.
anyways, there was this beautiful wall by the freeway. it was one that wasn't trashed by graffiti or immaturity or hate. it was a work of art. i don't know who the artist was, or what possessed them to paint it, but i remember the different faces of people, men women, black, white, young, old...all running. and they all had similar expressions of happiness on their faces, all apparently sharing the same delight in the joy of running.
i always loved driving past that wall. it proved to me that some could create art out of what was considered trashing property. as silly as it sounds, i believe it appealed to the child within me cause it showed that yes, some good could be born of the bad
then of course, as all stories go, a few months later the wall was completely vandalized. scribbled over the joyous faces were words of hate, prejudice, and despair. i actually got teary-eyed the first time i passed that wall after it was raped, but like all people who are exposed to tragic things constantly, i got used to it.
and that is the story of how my heart broke.
...Created 2005-08-09 00:26:09 [ View Past Journals ]
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| Ah, believe it or not, I'm very glad to hear from someone who doesn't just give me some pansy line about oh yes, God is important to me, love and joy all around. I'm sorry to hear your life has gone so rough for you...and I'll be praying for you, whether you believe it will help or not.
I empathize with your feelings of having Christianity shoved down your throat. Just a few years back, I felt the same way. You see, my dad is a Baptist minister. My whole life has revolved around church from the day I was born. Growing up, I knew nothing else. I didn't realize that I was essentially just mouthing all the right words I had been taught. When I hit 14, my family moved for the third time. And I totally rebelled. I was completely miserable and furious with God for tearing me away from the friends and people I knew and loved. We moved from a beautiful scenic tourist town on Lake Michigan, to Cowtown USA. Not even kidding, its called McBain, and there's nothing but rolling hills and cow farms, population 500 (including cows). Everyone here are red-neck hicks, and tons of Amish too. I despised God. I'd go to church, but only because I was forced. I never prayed. I took my anger out on everyone around me. Until something a speaker said got ahold of my heart. He told me that Jesus wasn't about religion. Religion was man's attempt to reach God. Jesus was God's attempt to reach man. He told us that going through the rituals and believing in God isn't enough. The bible says even the demons believe in God. We had to accept God's unconditional love for us, that He sent His son to die for our sins, and confess those sins to God, while asking Jesus to live in us and rule our lives. I had asked Jesus into my heart long ago, but I wasn't loving Him like He loved me. I had to take a hard look at everything I believed and make a transfer from "my parent's" beliefs to my own. So many people claim God, and go through the ritual song and dances, like confirmation and communion and other things, but never truly understand that its a relationship, not a dictatorship. Now those things are good in their place, but they are supposed to symbolize our relationship, not fulfill it. How can some water and catechism and memorizing verses, and eating bread and drinking juice save you? I say this with extreme caution, but perhaps things haven't gone right in your life because Jesus isn't truly in it. Don't get me wrong. My life isn't all roses because Jesus lives in my heart. I've just recently been diagnosed with clinical depression, and I'm losing my very best friend in the whole world. My mom's store just burnt down, and I can count at least a half dozen rumors circulating about me in my school right now. But I have the assurance He won't give me more than I can handle. And that's comfort beyond all else, and I can honestly say I'm at peace with my life right now, because I know He's in control. Allow me to end with a few questions, and I'd love to hear a reply from you. Do you believe that there is wrong and right? If so, who decides what is? Have you ever considered what will happen to you when you die? I'm praying for you, my friend. ~Jen~ |
| | Posted on 2006-12-07 00:00:00 | by Jengrr - [ Reply to This ] - |
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