Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Let There Be Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kblyric
    ASL Info:    32/F/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 331/227/29
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 2890
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1613



    Description:
       This is a possible revision to my poem "Love with a Capital L". Please read them both and let me know which one works better.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet There Be Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Let there be love
    Love with a capital L
    Love that rocks into surrender
    with arms strong enough to wrap spirit
    breaking down the ghosts of past fears
    that loom within the fortress that binds

    Dilligent love
    that roams the labyrinths of the heart
    Melting demons with devotion
    and as it enters the inner chamber
    let it fashion a key of faith
    and enter the portal of the soul

    Let love walk violet roads
    on stepping stones of clay
    where life sprouts from unseen openings
    in solid rock
    Love built on the triangular strength
    of energy flows entertwined
    like braids reaching the small of the back
    One hand clasping mine
    the other reaching for God

    Let there be love with a capital L
    in the circular grove
    that leads to the path of spirituality
    composing Divine symphonies
    with faith as its staff
    Justice will keep tempo
    whle mercy keeps time
    Building a melody on the sacredness of prayer
    in the rhythm of a mutual respect
    courage and compassion the chords that lend harmony
    resting on patience
    with trust as the repeat sign

    These Divine creations
    will reverberate heartbeats through the earth's soil
    Fertilizing seeds of love
    that will blossom through the ages
    Transcending limitations of space and time
    and when love's work is done
    We'll meet once again
    In the gardens beneath which rivers flow




    Submitted on 2004-02-06 17:11:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I havent seen the original, so I cant compare the two. But, I can say that this piece has some incredibly powerful images of devotion and love. It reads like true love's definition.
    Awesome.
    | Posted on 2004-09-07 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      Its hard to improve upon perfection...however you were able to do that thanks to some helpful comments and the will to translate critique without losing your poetic mind. You truly are gifted...you could be my teacher in love poems...and the devil himself could fall in love with you.
    | Posted on 2004-03-01 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it! This is the best make-over of a poem I've seen yet . You mind if I use this as an example in the new portion of the site? I'll give you full credit! Great job!!
    | Posted on 2004-02-07 00:00:00 | by Webmaster | [ Reply to This ]
      i personally like the original much better. it seems to be more personal and have more feeling than this version. thats my personal opinion, probably biased, because i have your first version on my favs list.
    | Posted on 2004-02-06 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1592

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry