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    dots Submission Name: Let There Be Lovedots

    Author: kblyric
    ASL Info:    32/F/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 331/227/29
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 3007
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1613

       This is a possible revision to my poem "Love with a Capital L". Please read them both and let me know which one works better.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet There Be Lovedots

    Let there be love
    Love with a capital L
    Love that rocks into surrender
    with arms strong enough to wrap spirit
    breaking down the ghosts of past fears
    that loom within the fortress that binds

    Dilligent love
    that roams the labyrinths of the heart
    Melting demons with devotion
    and as it enters the inner chamber
    let it fashion a key of faith
    and enter the portal of the soul

    Let love walk violet roads
    on stepping stones of clay
    where life sprouts from unseen openings
    in solid rock
    Love built on the triangular strength
    of energy flows entertwined
    like braids reaching the small of the back
    One hand clasping mine
    the other reaching for God

    Let there be love with a capital L
    in the circular grove
    that leads to the path of spirituality
    composing Divine symphonies
    with faith as its staff
    Justice will keep tempo
    whle mercy keeps time
    Building a melody on the sacredness of prayer
    in the rhythm of a mutual respect
    courage and compassion the chords that lend harmony
    resting on patience
    with trust as the repeat sign

    These Divine creations
    will reverberate heartbeats through the earth's soil
    Fertilizing seeds of love
    that will blossom through the ages
    Transcending limitations of space and time
    and when love's work is done
    We'll meet once again
    In the gardens beneath which rivers flow

    Submitted on 2004-02-06 17:11:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I havent seen the original, so I cant compare the two. But, I can say that this piece has some incredibly powerful images of devotion and love. It reads like true love's definition.
    | Posted on 2004-09-07 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      Its hard to improve upon perfection...however you were able to do that thanks to some helpful comments and the will to translate critique without losing your poetic mind. You truly are gifted...you could be my teacher in love poems...and the devil himself could fall in love with you.
    | Posted on 2004-03-01 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it! This is the best make-over of a poem I've seen yet . You mind if I use this as an example in the new portion of the site? I'll give you full credit! Great job!!
    | Posted on 2004-02-07 00:00:00 | by Webmaster | [ Reply to This ]
      i personally like the original much better. it seems to be more personal and have more feeling than this version. thats my personal opinion, probably biased, because i have your first version on my favs list.
    | Posted on 2004-02-06 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]

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