Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Love w/ a Capital Ldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kblyric
    ASL Info:    32/F/Los Angeles
    Elite Ratio:    2.98 - 331/227/29
    Words: 263
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 2885
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1713



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLove w/ a Capital Ldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want love
    Love with a capital L
    Love that wraps strong arms around my spirit
    And rocks me into surrender
    I want it to break down the ghosts of past fears
    That loom within the fortress that binds me
    That blinds me

    Be dilligent, my love
    as you roam the labyrinths of my heart
    Melt my demons with devotion
    and as you enter the inner chamber
    Fashion a key with your faith
    and enter the portal of my soul

    I wanna walk violet roads with you
    on stepping stones of clay
    Where life sprouts from unseen openings in solid rock
    I want love built on the triangular strength
    of energy flows entertwined
    like braids that reach the small of my back
    One hand clasping yours
    The other reaching for God

    I want Love with a capital L
    to meet me in the circular grove
    that leads to the path of spirituality
    Together there we will compose Divine symphonies
    with love of God as our staff
    Justice will keep tempo
    while mercy keeps time
    We'll build our melody on the sacredness of prayer
    in the rhythm of a mutual respect
    courage and compassion the chords that lend harmony
    We'll rest on patience
    and trust will be the repeat sign

    Our Divine creations will reverberate
    heartbeats through the earth's soil
    Fertilizing seeds of Love that will blossom through the ages
    Transcending limitations of space and time
    And when our work together is done
    We'll meet once again
    In the gardens beneath which rivers flow




    Submitted on 2004-01-15 15:55:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i actually read the newer version first, I don't know which to choose but the only difference is the way you removed the first person thing in here... either way, I would say that this is a wonderful poem... the emotion is really there and I could feel it!
    | Posted on 2004-02-06 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      Wouldn't kill the together part, but maybe 'Uniting into' leave out we, me, I, he, she. It's tough but it will sound better. Try it and decide which to keep.
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by Webmaster | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good write! 'I want' to point out there is a bit of redundance though. Don't use 'I want' or 'I wanna'. It just degrades the poem.
    Example:
    'I want Love with a capital L
    to meet me in the circular grove
    that leads to the path of spirituality
    Together there we will compose Divine symphonies'

    to

    'Love with a capital L
    in the circular grove
    that leads to the path of spirituality
    composing Divine symphonies'

    Just get rid of first person and it would be far improved.
    | Posted on 2004-01-31 00:00:00 | by Webmaster | [ Reply to This ]
      And where the bloody hell did you come from. This is an incredible poem. From its descricptive beautiful beginning to its masterful end...my eyes were bulging out in the third read...TRULY remarkable..if not the best I've seen on this site..
    | Posted on 2004-01-15 00:00:00 | by MyX | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    811

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry