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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: To Hopedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: beatthedrum
    ASL Info:    55- F - Southern CA USA
    Elite Ratio:    4.18 - 881/810/122
    Words: 218
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1207



    Description:
       A sad one...

    Sometimes my mind reaches out and can find a place within another person. It becomes a perception or empathy.

    This poem comes from that place in the mind of a person losing in the final rounds of a boxing match with an illness. Each blow weakens her and prepares her for the ultimate and inevitable knock out. There is no redeeming meaning here. There is no point only the portrait of a moment.

    I think we may too often expect life to be an Aesop fable. Each story must have a moral, every joke is just a set up for a punch line. We may miss the value of an experience in the process of dissection and evaluation.

    What would life be without the kicker? What if we had to accept "as is"? Would it be more, or become less? I don't know.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTo Hopedots
    -------------------------------------------


    To die for a cause
    or at least
    for some damn good reason
    is still death.
    To die because of disease,
    my body revolting
    and eating away my form
    and sanity…
    is not fair.

    I cry foul and die
    just the same.
    I am grateful that you care.
    I am appreciative
    that I'll be missed,
    but there is no way
    I deserve this.

    Forgive me if I become
    selfish in this moment.
    This really is about me.
    If this is all I will become
    then little purpose is left.

    This has taken away so much,
    why can't it take the pain?
    My life is marked
    not by hours but by bouts
    and blows against the hurt within
    each ticking by so slowly.

    When you smile
    and hold my hand
    I am pulled into
    a different world.
    It is happier there.
    Let me live in your space
    for a time.
    Let me reside
    in the love on your face.
    Wrap me in that serenity.
    For this moment
    that is all the heaven
    for which I hope.




    Submitted on 2006-04-22 16:25:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is very beautifully written. Your words express this so very well and you really seem to understand this turmoil very well. I am an RN and I unfortunately, have seen this all too many times, not only through my job but also within my own family. Reading this made me reflect on many times when I have experienced this in someone else's life. It is a very tragic time and suffering is not strong enough a word here. You write this with elegance. I have no suggestions for this. It is very well written and expressed and you really seem to have a most personal connection here. Really nice job with this. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-05-13 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This one literally brought a tear to my eye Chrystine. And will go into the sacred storage box of my head as a definate reminder of what I've seen and what I undoubtedly will see in my family tree. Bodies ravaged by disease and claiming "Its not fair" when, like what you say in the desc. Fair or not...it just is.

    To die for a cause
    or at least
    for some damn good reason
    is still death

    I liked that...reminds me of how stupid those terrorist type people are...to die is still just dying and how good is a person to another when they are dead?

    Very deep and sentimental. I enjoyed this one immensely (sp?)
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really Good Chrystine
    In this write you show just how important a Friend really is
    A Friend can help us erase all lifes negativity and carry us to happiness
    I would be lost without Friends
    They really do make the Heart Stronger
    Great Job with this one Chrystine
    I loved the pace and flow of this
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. I think to me it's about how people can die for no reason at all. ANd how bad things happen to good people. It's really good peom and it reminded me of the time my mom nearly died cause she couldn't breathe. Well actually that happened last night. But anyways, i kept thinking to myself, she can't die. She doesn't deserve to die. I think your poem was great in bringing that out. Really good work

    youAREmy CANNIBAL

    by the way, if you have time check out my peoms, you are my cannibal and sans tu, avec tu......
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by GOGO1877 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Chrys,

    It's not so much the story of the woman that drives me to write you about this. You said there really isn't any theme, well none
    that you were thinking of. While she's learned to take the blows
    life has given her and been accepting, maybe she didn't quite feel the heaven that many seem to find.. in fact, you make that apparent in the last strophe.

    And you leave us with her grateful spirit for someone special
    shows her compassion and that, my friend is the theme as I see it.
    Sharing your heaven is the way to love and happiness..

    you're a crown jewel, thanks for sharing this one-


    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I can relate to these words more than you will ever know. The flow was pitchy, but overall this was good. I enjoyed the simplicity of this. It was not meant to be fancy and frills, it was geared to make us SEE this woman's courage and fears and FEEL this womens pain. This was so touching and and moving it was like a page from my old journals. This was a tear jerker. Bravo.


    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      a life is a story netherless. each life has a beginning, a middle, and a ending. and at the end of each life there are very many different "morals" or lessons we all learn. and yes we sometimes miss certain things because we want to find a reason or a meaning to it all, but it is just human nature to think that everything has a meaning. yes there are people who just accept things for what they are, but that doesnt keep their mind from wondering just once too far into something. accepting something doesnt help you understand it. and what people want the most is to understand.

    now for the poem... overall it was a very nice write. the way the victim sounded bitter at the beginning was surprising. but then it became more of a story or scene. where they began to tell of what they felt and then slowly how they feel at that moment knowing someone cares and then in the end slipping away. the bitterness was quickly counteracted with a sad happiness. your playing of emotion is wonderful.

    chilz
    | Posted on 2006-04-22 00:00:00 | by chilz | [ Reply to This ]


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