[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Slam Poetry for lack of better titledots

    Author: denial
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 119/82/34
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 1523
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1235

       fairly old. never posted. huhhh???!!?!??.
    why won't anyone comment on my life changing peice of 'the start of something' what a bunch of crazy hippies. thoughts, intoxication stories, sing along songs all welcomed.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSlam Poetry for lack of better titledots

    what are you other than smears of tears and ink? ripped up ideas that were far out of reach; even for you. you sip that coffee leaving a stain of your bite and fingerprint. you sing at the radio, breathing in your mints, and complaining. always complaining about politics that you know none of, and all that you see wrong with the world that you will never change. you read the newspaper, cutting out ads and articles and pictures; which then you paste on sheets and sheets of white paper. there's walls and walls of them. collages of threads of glossing brilliance, but you are not among them. you don't even resemble. like puzzle peices, and clean carpets; you're not like anything. not an individual. just the fact of existence. a glance of a child, looking for familiarity. and still you try. so hard. to make something out of nothing. to learn secret languages and tap dance on green boxes. so you could have a story to tell, when you're influencing people and making friends. in a coffee shop filled with others who want to be just like you; meet the world, and save a life. write movies and never sleep. love and hate and philosophy.

    we love slam poetry. tell me another one.

    Submitted on 2006-04-23 01:03:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I love the imagery, especially in the beginning. The words you so carefully chose (bite, stain, smear, ripped) gives the piece a distinctive colour...ike from the beginning, you know the piece is going to have a somewhat negative tone.

    The first line really grips me, I've often wondered the same. ("what are you other than smears of tears and ink?") You're the master of "show but don't tell". You make it clear that you're speaking to a writer but you don't go out and say directly, "what are you other than a writer". It makes the piece a lot more interesting to read, because it makes you think.

    I also like the seemingly random periods that make no grammatical sense but really puts emphasis on certain phrases...it really works. I hate grammar, because it restricts people from expressing their feelings, but you bent the rules and made grammar (or the lack of grammar?) work.

    Keep on keeping on,

    PS...Thanks for the sick comment on "superstardom."! Wow, your comment was really awesome..."god, your format's unbeattable. this reminds me of old gameboy games." That's the coolest thing I've ever seen written in a comment. What a compliment! Thanks a billion!
    | Posted on 2006-10-14 00:00:00 | by travwell | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it but it just isn't for me. I mean, it is outside "The Box". I also liked your others...
    <3 Liz Renee
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by Liz_Renee | [ Reply to This ]
      you know what? i like your style. despite the fact that you probably just described a good percetage of the people on this web site to a 't', myself included...though i wasn't offended, so perhaps i'm just one of those people who think's they're real and give themselves the right to look down on the posers you described in this piece...ok, now i'm just rambling. but i thoroughly enjoyed this.

    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by art_is_hard | [ Reply to This ]
      I have even read this out loud and decided that all your sentences make sense and theres ARE no random words or random things to say. I'd like to think that this completley has to do with me and everything i have said and done, minus my inner musical genius. Today someone described me with one word and they said "enigma". I dont think im mysterious or ambiguous, i just really like [censored] around, pretending i change lives and get really worried when trent is crying on the road because his friend got hit by a car. I also cant be constructive. So i guess ill buy you some food in return.
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by orderly conduct | [ Reply to This ]
      i was interested and im never interested so i felt i owed it a comment. i was offended and im always offended. seemed a bit personal. ridiculous, seeing as you dont know me. but i am ridiculous. and a few people love me anyway so i can afford to be offended by strangers.. it really did sound a bit like me. except i know more than i say about politics.
    | Posted on 2006-07-01 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      ooh. this is a good one. I saw it on orderly conduct's faves. it made me mad at pieces of myself and chunks of people I know. . . just for existing. I know a guy who thinks he's cool because he makes his own clothes. I think I'm cool because I don't give a f#*% who made my clothes. which is worse? both because we think we're the sh*T. yeah... sh*T has a capital T. anyway... the best part for me was this: "like puzzle peices, and clean carpets; you're not like anything." not only did it make excellent sense and stand out as a very creative metaphor, it made me feel better that my carpet is so stained from clumsy beverage spillers. . . and your last line was priceless. tell me another one.

    | Posted on 2006-06-23 00:00:00 | by parabola | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]