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    dots Submission Name: ''JEWELS OF SEXUAL''dots

    Author: ms.v
    Elite Ratio:    6.72 - 109/24/20
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1312
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 492

       by:ms.v 10/20-03

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots''JEWELS OF SEXUAL''dots

    Say it!
    Say it!
    pour counterfeit
    romantic blossoms
    upon my lips
    rap my soul
    in it's
    vengeful huge monument
    covered in it's champane
    soaked over
    by sizzling bubbles
    of potential orgasms
    wanting my fill
    I have no need to beg
    catastrophic impulses ingited
    sexual jewels
    flowing adventurously
    ultimate satisfaction

    Submitted on 2006-04-23 08:49:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Ryoko when it comes to the grammar and spelling errors. However,I do not agree with the part where she says to put it in poem form, as someone who does pretty much ONLY freeverse, I think that it is good in the form that it is in, but I do think that reformatting it to help with flow would be a good idea (ie)
    Say it!
    Say it again!
    Poor counterfeit
    Romantic Blossoms
    Upon my lips wrap my
    Soul in its vengeful hug!
    Monument covered in it's
    Champagne soaked over by
    Sizzling bubbles of
    Potential orgasms
    Wanting my fill
    I have no need to beg
    Catastrophic impulses
    Igniting sexual jewels
    Flowing adventurously
    Ultimate satisfaction!
    | Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the subject of your poems but you need to put it in poem form. Also there are a lot of spelling and grammar errors in your poems. Hope you take the advice because I would love to see them edited.
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]

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