Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ''JEWELS OF SEXUAL''dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ms.v
    Elite Ratio:    6.72 - 109/24/20
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1312
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 492



    Description:
       by:ms.v 10/20-03


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots''JEWELS OF SEXUAL''dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Say it!
    Say it!
    again
    pour counterfeit
    romantic blossoms
    upon my lips
    rap my soul
    in it's
    vengeful huge monument
    covered in it's champane
    soaked over
    by sizzling bubbles
    of potential orgasms
    disoriented
    wanting my fill
    I have no need to beg
    catastrophic impulses ingited
    sexual jewels
    flowing adventurously
    now!
    ultimate satisfaction




    Submitted on 2006-04-23 08:49:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with Ryoko when it comes to the grammar and spelling errors. However,I do not agree with the part where she says to put it in poem form, as someone who does pretty much ONLY freeverse, I think that it is good in the form that it is in, but I do think that reformatting it to help with flow would be a good idea (ie)
    Say it!
    Say it again!
    Poor counterfeit
    Romantic Blossoms
    Upon my lips wrap my
    Soul in its vengeful hug!
    Monument covered in it's
    Champagne soaked over by
    Sizzling bubbles of
    Potential orgasms
    Disoriented
    Wanting my fill
    I have no need to beg
    Catastrophic impulses
    Igniting sexual jewels
    Flowing adventurously
    NOW!
    Ultimate satisfaction!
    | Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the subject of your poems but you need to put it in poem form. Also there are a lot of spelling and grammar errors in your poems. Hope you take the advice because I would love to see them edited.
    Katana
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    100126

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry