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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ''HEAVEN'S BLOOD ALL OVER ME"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ms.v
    Elite Ratio:    6.72 - 109/24/20
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 997
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1018



    Description:
       By:ms.v copyrighted (PLEASE CALL- ALL SENATORS - STOP COPYRIGHT THEFT!!!!!!)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots''HEAVEN'S BLOOD ALL OVER ME"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Deep down
    wash my soul
    hold me under
    so new
    so washed
    make me Holy
    pull me under
    soaked to the soul
    cleanzed past blood and bone
    now my body gone
    No hunger
    No last minute fears
    Angels faces
    have reflections like mirrors
    regardless to what I see
    no Angel can resent me
    the ONE has washed me clean
    poured his blood all over me
    nude to the bone
    now my love I see so clear
    how lovely like a stone
    nude to the bone
    without sin in
    this garden here
    were we should have always been
    with no more mortal sins
    I let you come in
    forever together
    sealed from sin
    his love let us in
    for you I made sure I made it in
    with eternity's love
    our love will never end
    through heaven's gates
    heaven's open gates
    our love t share to eternity!
    (rock song-lyric)




    Submitted on 2006-04-23 09:18:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Your massage is reaching to the reader that is for sure. I like how love as a motive for you action is hidden in this poem.
    You have some nice lines in this poem, but it needs some more work. You need to polish it. Try not to repeat the same words all the time (like clear, gates, sin, bone etc). Use your imagination, ‘cause emotions and intention to express them are already here.
    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      I hope I don't offend you, but I played around with this a bit. Read the original slowly, then read the revised one. What do you think. Remember, this is your work either way. This is only a suggestion.

    Original

    Deep down
    wash my soul
    hold me under
    so new
    so washed
    make me Holy
    pull me under
    soaked to the soul
    cleanzed past blood and bone
    now my body gone
    No hunger
    No last ninute fears
    Angles faces
    have reflections like mirrors
    regardless to what I see
    no Angle can resent me
    the ONE has washed me clean
    poured his blood all over me
    nude to the bone
    now my love I see so clear
    how lovely like a stone
    nude to the bone
    without sin in
    this garden here
    were we should have always been
    with no more mortal sins
    I let you come in
    forever together
    sealed from sin
    his love let us in
    for you I made sure I made it in
    with eternity's love
    our love will never end
    through heaven's gates
    heaven's open gates
    our love t share to eternity!
    -------------------------------------------------------
    Revised

    Deep down
    wash my soul
    hold me under
    'til I'm new
    so washed
    make me Holy
    pull me under
    soaked clean through
    cleansed past blood and bone
    now my body gone
    No hunger
    No last minute fears
    Angel faces
    have reflections like mirrors
    no Angel can resent me
    for ONE has washed me clean
    poured his blood all over me
    nude to the bone
    now my love I see so clear
    how lovely like a stone
    without sin in
    this garden here
    where we should have always been
    I let you come in
    forever together
    sealed in our skin
    his love let us through
    I did it for you
    like eternity
    our love will remain
    as it opens its gates
    we'll walk through its doors



    | Posted on 2006-07-04 00:00:00 | by junemarie | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked this, prbly because im a religious person but i like the way you conveyed the idea of adam n eve and how god holds everyone close to him. well written n i enjoyd reading it <3ashley
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      it was good, but i dont usually like ryhming poems, (they get to repetitive) but i like the message you trying to send....
    | Posted on 2006-08-03 00:00:00 | by Gwenith Louise | [ Reply to This ]


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