Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: we could last...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: suicidalacts72
    ASL Info:    20/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    3.08 - 189/150/69
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 931
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1034



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswe could last...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    goodbye my baby
    always and forever
    the next time i see you
    i'll walk away saying whatever
    you were my everything
    made me so complete
    you were the one thing
    i never wanted to defeat
    i let go for just a moment
    what we had now is in the past
    everyone was right
    what made me think we could last?
    your just another
    selfish little boy
    i was nothing more
    than the newest toy
    i was something to get used
    then thrown away
    replaced before
    the very next day
    your in a cell
    almost released
    i can't do this
    leave me in peace
    my heart shattered
    pieces long gone
    in the end you were right
    and i was wrong
    your jail sentence did
    tear us apart
    you knew it all along
    i denied it from the start
    we're suppose to live and learn
    i never do
    i doesn't matter
    even though i still want you...




    Submitted on 2006-04-24 14:11:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is really really moving. you have a very strong talent and i love your poetry. there was nothing unclear and this held my attention. the legnth was good and this flowed beautifully.

    nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by DontLetGo421 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this poem it was great wrirting... the flow was good....
    keep it up

    karen
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by submarine | [ Reply to This ]
      exelent piece of work. My favorite part of your poem is

    "My heart shattered
    "Pieces long gone
    "In the end you were right
    "And I was wrong"

    this part was absolutly stunning. keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by red passion | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good. I think this speaks to alot of contempary culture. Many people stay in relationships that they know aren't healthy for them. Why? Because we want to be love, even if it destroys us. Nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Scribner | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this piece a lot more than the first one i read it's something i can sort of relate to losing someone who knew you would not last but you stayed untill your torn apart. good write. joanna
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by heartless_ | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    100276

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry