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    dots Submission Name: If I Shall Die...dots

    Author: In the Fire...
    ASL Info:    30/m/Orlando
    Elite Ratio:    2.13 - 46/121/63
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 712
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 865


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    dotsIf I Shall Die...dots

    All the harm i caused your soul
    may never go away,
    and all the physical harm i caused
    may never be erased.
    the sudden blast of my anger's rage
    i used to slice your soul.
    My blood-red heart had suddenly
    turn black, as black as coal.
    My stubborn ways were tripping stones
    in your spirit's path.
    I enveloped my butterfly in the grip
    of my jealousy's wrath.

    I became an enemy,
    and was once your heart's best friend.
    For some damn reason i couldn't stop!
    The anger wouldn't end!

    My life is like the wind,
    in the currents do i ride.
    If in the future i shall die,
    let it be tonight.

    Submitted on 2006-04-24 21:41:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was beautiful! One of the absolutely best poems I've read today! I'm so serious! It was very angsty, but in this case, angsty hit the jack pot (lol, I sound so old). It reminded me of someone I know/knew and what they did to me and how it made me feel. Your poem reminded me of them, and even though it hurts like hell to think of them, it was also a good thing that your poem gave me the chance to remember the person they once were. Sh*t changes I guess...and so do people.
    This was a great write...I'm so adding it to the ol' fav's list!

    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      Thats so pretty.
    The wording is wonderful, and I love the way it rhymed. Didn't sound forced at all.
    You are very talented

    I really love everything about it, but I think my favorite part is:

    "the sudden blast of my anger's rage
    i used to slice your soul.
    My blood-red heart had suddenly
    turn black, as black as coal."

    I like how it went from red to black.

    Good stuff, dear.

    Very nicely done

    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]

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