Down, Down, Down by obscureskies

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Submission Name: Down, Down, Down dots

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Author:	obscureskies
ASL Info:	19/F/Fredericton NB
Elite Ratio:	2.34 - 11/17/15
Words:	148

Class/Type:	Poetry/BrokenHeart
Total Views:	1237
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	859

Description:

Down, Down, Down dots

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So, don’t worry about me, I will be fine
Someday your eyes, your face will leave my mind
The clouds will part, and the light will shine
Down, down, down on this pale skin of mine

So, don’t look back and smile at what we gave
Our hands were intertwined and our souls were saved
The water under our bridges will wash all this away
Down, down, down the stream into a watery grave

So, don’t think that you must remember me
Someday something might come and set me free
My heartache, a memory will be
Down, down, down I’ll fade away into the sea

So, don’t worry about me, I will be fine
Someday your haunting essence will subside
The image burned on my soul will heal in time
Down, down, down, I wait and sit and hope and cry

Submitted on 2006-04-25 11:19:55 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Very nice write. I like the rhyme and I think that the repetition of the beginning of the last line of each stanza works particularly well. Good job.
| Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by Scribner | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked how you used rhyming to convey emotions. A lot of time rhymes seemed forced but really, you did an excellent job. I liked the way everything ended relatively the same with the down down down, it gave it something extra. Good job. I really enjoyed this poem.
| Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by Cari Elise323 | [ Reply to This ]
  this is really good. i get the emotions of it and what your going through as i am going through the same thing now. joanna
| Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by heartless_ | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.