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    dots Submission Name: Down, Down, Downdots

    Author: obscureskies
    ASL Info:    19/F/Fredericton NB
    Elite Ratio:    2.34 - 11/17/15
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 1237
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 859


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDown, Down, Downdots

    So, donít worry about me, I will be fine
    Someday your eyes, your face will leave my mind
    The clouds will part, and the light will shine
    Down, down, down on this pale skin of mine

    So, donít look back and smile at what we gave
    Our hands were intertwined and our souls were saved
    The water under our bridges will wash all this away
    Down, down, down the stream into a watery grave

    So, donít think that you must remember me
    Someday something might come and set me free
    My heartache, a memory will be
    Down, down, down Iíll fade away into the sea

    So, donít worry about me, I will be fine
    Someday your haunting essence will subside
    The image burned on my soul will heal in time
    Down, down, down, I wait and sit and hope and cry

    Submitted on 2006-04-25 11:19:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice write. I like the rhyme and I think that the repetition of the beginning of the last line of each stanza works particularly well. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by Scribner | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked how you used rhyming to convey emotions. A lot of time rhymes seemed forced but really, you did an excellent job. I liked the way everything ended relatively the same with the down down down, it gave it something extra. Good job. I really enjoyed this poem.
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by Cari Elise323 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really good. i get the emotions of it and what your going through as i am going through the same thing now. joanna
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by heartless_ | [ Reply to This ]

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