Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Marching Antsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HaldirLives
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 234/149/60
    Words: 14
    Class/Type: Haiku/Misc
    Total Views: 1333
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 89



    Description:
       I went with the traditional 5-7-5 for this haiku. I don't want to tell you what I meant by it because it can be taken a lot of different ways. Even now, I'm beginning to see it as a vent of my frustration with ants in my house. (lol)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMarching Antsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A door in a field.
    It stood just ajar, before
    Little marching ants.




    Submitted on 2006-04-25 15:04:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      so of course little ants are nearly always a metaphor for the small dull human who goes through life unthinking just mindlessly working. a door in a field, but no mention of a house, so just a door, the ants feel that they're entering something but really aren't? which would mean that people think they'll get somewhere by following society and working hard at their 9-5 jobs but really they won't but still they go on because they're too busy marching to stop and look up and see what's really there, well, not there, actually.

    or it could mean something more positive. an ant walking towards a door on its own is probably just going to end up with a headache. but! a whole stream of ants will have the strength to push it open and walk through? leading to a nice moral about sharing burdans with friends/family/collegues.

    something Freudain? no, that's probably going just a little too far.

    I never seem to have ants in the house these days, which is a shame, because that would provide the perfect excuse to buy a wicked cool pet aardvark.

    but some things just aren't meant to be.

    anyway, thanks for sharing.

    Adam.
    | Posted on 2006-06-01 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      nice to see a haiku that stays in traditional form, yet doesnt stick to the cliché of seasons and stuff like that. i dont generally write haikus because i normally have so much more to say, but this was short and sweet.

    take care
    X
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      Good use of the syllabic count. You stayed within traditional 5-7-5 form. Most haiku's incorporate a season word, something that gives and idea of what the weather is like, and he use of the word 'ants' gives us a hint of the season, but not much. It could be spring, summer, or fall. Most likely not winter as they like to hide when it's cold.

    Haiku's are hard to write in English. Our language isn't set up to really get the kinds of meaning across that the Japanese and Chinese haiku's impart.

    It's a cute piece, have to go make sure my door is closed!

    Take Care!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      i havent tried to write haikus yet but i might give it a go . This tells me that trouble has come into your life because it found a weakness in your defences ,the door being your defence and it being ajar being the weakness,the ants are obviously the trouble as they always are lol :p Thought provoking and i could probably make other thingds out of it if i had longer so ill come back and read it again later :)
    Graham
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by gd66uk | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice Haiku you got here. I too had alot of ants in my house when we just moved here a few years back and we had problems like hell to get rid of them, they were simply everywhere. Every possible nook and cranky you could think of. Eventually we got rid of the vast majority with the help of an exterminator but they still have some colonies I guess for every now and then I see them in great numbers but not like first time.

    Anyway, like I said this was a good write. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      when working with such a tight form for poetry, you ahve to make every word count. by saying this, i mean to show you that the word 'a' is simply a filler. the images are what are crucial in haikus, and for that reason, you must make them strong and punchy.

    if you are trying to convey a feeling of annoyance toward the ants, maybe use an adjective other than 'little'. maybe something that gives them strength or a persona of some sort. 'little' is merely their size, explaining nothing of their relevance. try tightening it up and expressing more of what you're feeling. ^_^ good luck.
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    100457

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry