Description: Heres another test subject, amputation, laboratory type poem. This one is more about the trauma resulting from it and has a science fiction-ey feel to it. Tell me what you think, and if you dont like it, tell me why so i can improve.
Cyber Past -------------------------------------------
Coated watchers drilling deep inside.
Fear is showing,
amid the circuits and the silicon
Reborn into steel,
bloodstains still remain.
Nothing left to feel.
Test tubes dripping pain.
Torture tools illuminate the walls.
Muted screams echo throughout the halls.
Crystal light filters through the blinds.
Nightmares wired into electric minds.
brings chemical sedation.
drifting off to lifeless sleep.
i love this one! great rhyming and flow, nice imagery...and kinda creepy in that "it's not real but it makes it seem like it is" sorta way...it gives me the feeling of being in a psychiatric ward...idk if that was the intended purpose, but that's what it gives off to me...gives me the feeling of being medicated too...like not necessarliy anesthesia, but like antidepressant type of medicated...not fun...love it! favorites add coming up!
Totally, all of your poems have excellent vocabulary and I love it! I liked the part about nightmares being wired into electric brains, that planted a graphic image in my head and it made your poem so much better! I'm getting ready to submit a few, so check them out by the way, lol
f.uck this was amazing, I loved the whole thing, don't change anything! lol. I really do love ur more sci-fi/ lab/mental insitution writes, my imagination often wanders to the same subjects to the point where I'll sometimes have these bizzaro dreams about such thing. Your wording, as always, was awesome, I'm so jealous ;P. great write, can't wait for the next one, tell me how much longer ur grounded for lol.... -death (jess)
Sweet write. Vivid Imagery like i was actually there and I saw what was happening it was awesome. You used a slightly different theme this time but it still resembles the whole labratory expirimentation theme. Remindes me of V for Vendetta except v wasnt a robot. Still it was awesome and thanx for the comment Btw where have you been l8tly I havent seen you in like 2 months ur never around anymore. Are you Grounded??? well i am (again T_T) Whtvr cul8r
This is really powerful This write definately took on a life of its own At first I thought you were referring to Life saving drugs and then I realized you were referring to the final stop for someone that has been sentenced to death This write is very thought provoking You did an excellent job with this God Bless Ron
And Thank You for making Self Hypnosis A Favorite I have been told that is one of mt best writes God Bless Ron
It's like a story with no beginning, no end, making you wish for a sequel that won't come.
The various mentions of 'pure' things made me think of perfection, but the nightmarish, torturous setting gave this piece something I'm pretty sure I've never even thought about until now. Everything about it screams 'horror', but not with the usual gruesome settings. More of an angsty horror.