Fear of Death by Katana Ryoko

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Submission Name: Fear of Death dots

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Author:	Katana Ryoko
ASL Info:	17/F/Cali
Elite Ratio:	2.86 - 483/428/109
Words:	150

Class/Type:	Poetry/Death
Total Views:	267
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	911

Description:
I could add to it but should I? Tell me what you think.

Fear of Death dots

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Make that final step
To ending my life
But every time
I reach for the knife
I keep holding back
Am I scared of it?
The unknown
Of what is coming
After all blood is gone
Maybe I'll try another way
Pills that will make me
Sleep death away
Will I fall into an
Eternal sleep
Or will I eventually
Wake up from a dream?
But why end my life
When I could end yours
You caused my depression
When you slept with that slut
So why should I suffer
While you smile with her
My decision is made
Your fate is sealed by me
I won't give you time to beg
And try to take it all back
I won't give in to hesitation
I'll make sure to do it quick
Giving you time to only
See your love, your killer

Submitted on 2006-04-26 13:24:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Venom.

| Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, this piece gave me chills up my spine. I found it really creepy, especially the ending. It's really well written though. I don't think I've ever found a poem anywhere that creeped me out. You have such an ability to describe something so well that it seems real. My favorite lines were:
"I'll make sure to do it quick
Giving you time to only
See your love, your killer"
I must admit it was the last line the sent the shiver up my spine. In ways, it felt like this piece was a bit of a cliffhanger, because you would start describing something, but never really finish telling us about it, and that was just a perfect ending in my opinion. It tied everything together and it was like everything became clear. Great write, yet again.

Crystal
| Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by x__beenplayed | [ Reply to This ]
  good. but i think you coudl add some more to it. its really good and i really like it but it jsut needs a little something more the way u express ur feelings it s a wonder.

::But why end my life
When I could end yours
You caused my depression
When you slept with that slut
So why should I suffer
While you smile with her
My decision is made::

these lines are the best i saw this and it reminded me of my ex, this was greatly worded i think. well great job! i rally liked it but u coudl work on it some like add some detail. other than that its good. k. bye
an [x] to an {oh}
<3 Kel
| Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
  i think it needed more in this one so i would say add some it definitly kept my interest but i was expecting more out of it and i really agree with muzak it needs some juicing up seemed a little bland but not at all a bad poem keep working on it with your writing.

a decent poem with a lot more possible in it

if you like dark poetry check mine out if you get a chance

Chris
| Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by ROSHAY9992000 | [ Reply to This ]
  Why is it always that the end seems to juice up everything. That itself is a skill but a one which many possess. Try 'juicing up' your whole poem. Think beyond fear, express the poem in two views. Everything has 2 or more perspectives attached to it. You've stated the more pessimistic view. Along with that try the optimistic one.

Overall its pretty good.
| Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by Muzak | [ Reply to This ]
  hey!! yes i defiently think you should add a lilttle more to this!! just a little but your at a fanstastic start! good job!
~akaila~
| Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]

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