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    dots Submission Name: Fear of Deathdots

    Author: Katana Ryoko
    ASL Info:    17/F/Cali
    Elite Ratio:    2.86 - 483/428/109
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 1267
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 911

       I could add to it but should I? Tell me what you think.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFear of Deathdots

    Make that final step
    To ending my life
    But every time
    I reach for the knife
    I keep holding back
    Am I scared of it?
    The unknown
    Of what is coming
    After all blood is gone
    Maybe I'll try another way
    Pills that will make me
    Sleep death away
    Will I fall into an
    Eternal sleep
    Or will I eventually
    Wake up from a dream?
    But why end my life
    When I could end yours
    You caused my depression
    When you slept with that slut
    So why should I suffer
    While you smile with her
    My decision is made
    Your fate is sealed by me
    I won't give you time to beg
    And try to take it all back
    I won't give in to hesitation
    I'll make sure to do it quick
    Giving you time to only
    See your love, your killer

    Submitted on 2006-04-26 13:24:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    | Posted on 2007-08-07 00:00:00 | by Vampiric Death | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this piece gave me chills up my spine. I found it really creepy, especially the ending. It's really well written though. I don't think I've ever found a poem anywhere that creeped me out. You have such an ability to describe something so well that it seems real. My favorite lines were:
    "I'll make sure to do it quick
    Giving you time to only
    See your love, your killer"
    I must admit it was the last line the sent the shiver up my spine. In ways, it felt like this piece was a bit of a cliffhanger, because you would start describing something, but never really finish telling us about it, and that was just a perfect ending in my opinion. It tied everything together and it was like everything became clear. Great write, yet again.

    | Posted on 2006-10-28 00:00:00 | by x__beenplayed | [ Reply to This ]
      good. but i think you coudl add some more to it. its really good and i really like it but it jsut needs a little something more the way u express ur feelings it s a wonder.

    ::But why end my life
    When I could end yours
    You caused my depression
    When you slept with that slut
    So why should I suffer
    While you smile with her
    My decision is made::

    these lines are the best i saw this and it reminded me of my ex, this was greatly worded i think. well great job! i rally liked it but u coudl work on it some like add some detail. other than that its good. k. bye
    an [x] to an {oh}
    <3 Kel
    | Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think it needed more in this one so i would say add some it definitly kept my interest but i was expecting more out of it and i really agree with muzak it needs some juicing up seemed a little bland but not at all a bad poem keep working on it with your writing.

    a decent poem with a lot more possible in it

    if you like dark poetry check mine out if you get a chance

    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by ROSHAY9992000 | [ Reply to This ]
      Why is it always that the end seems to juice up everything. That itself is a skill but a one which many possess. Try 'juicing up' your whole poem. Think beyond fear, express the poem in two views. Everything has 2 or more perspectives attached to it. You've stated the more pessimistic view. Along with that try the optimistic one.

    Overall its pretty good.
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by Muzak | [ Reply to This ]
      hey!! yes i defiently think you should add a lilttle more to this!! just a little but your at a fanstastic start! good job!
    | Posted on 2006-07-19 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]

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