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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: War flagdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jslbabygirl101
    ASL Info:    18/f/ga
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 76/82/49
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 113
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 377



    Description:
       Saying I will not be defeated by others.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWar flagdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My war flag flies as high as the sun,
    for the whole world to see.
    but the battle is not over yet it has just begun,
    maybe once you've been defeated you will see that the only winner is me.

    I fly my war flag proudly,
    proving to the world...
    that the winner is only me,
    and it's you that i have only rivaled.




    Submitted on 2006-04-26 17:12:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The main idea for the poem is good, but it could be insisted on. It's a very original way of saying you're fighting the world and won't be defeated. It has potential. I usually have nothing against short poems, but the first and second stanza are too much the same. You should add some metaphores, a discription of your enemy, so the reader cen visualize who you're really fighting.
    Nopw for the flow and rhyme. The last verse of the first stanza is too long. You cou;d replace it with: "In the end the only winner will be me."
    You could also change the last verse to: "And you're the only one I rivaled."
    It's nice, but choppy, you should improve it, cause it has potential.
    But that's only my opinion. I'll shut up just in case.
    -Angie-
    | Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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