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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A bleeding rosedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jslbabygirl101
    ASL Info:    18/f/ga
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 76/82/49
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 133
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 828



    Description:
       love.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA bleeding rosedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This bleeding rose that never dies,
    hides behind your secret lies.
    The tears that fall never fade,
    they swirl togather like lemonade.

    In the night you can hear it cry,
    as the wind rushes by.
    another dream another crash,
    another test dummy torn to trash.

    like an infant in the night,
    just another friendly fright.
    a so longend fro freedom torn down to the ground,
    then a twinge of hope is found.

    just for me to get it up,
    and then for itto burn to dust.
    a simple wish: a simple dream,
    no longer mine is what it means.

    the silent colors of the night,
    leave an awfully bright light.
    i try to escape but it only follows,
    and drowns me deeper in its hollows.




    Submitted on 2006-04-26 17:42:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the rhyming in this one because its so simple and uncomplicated. The flow starts out good, but there are some parts that might need to be tweaked. Like here

    "The tears that fall never fade,"

    to keep the flow, you should change it like this

    "The tears that fall, yet never fade"

    there are some parts like that in your poem but nothing serious. What i like best about this poem though is the symbolism. A bleeding rose? thats so cool, because when u love somebody you usually give them a rose, and since its bleeding, its like something happened that ripped apart that love. This was good. I liked it, wit a few minor mistakes.

    peace
    | Posted on 2006-05-14 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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