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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gold Fields and Dark Dalesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenroses
    ASL Info:    17/m/indiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 191/192/62
    Words: 427
    Class/Type: Misc/Nature
    Total Views: 1013
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2479



    Description:
       you tell me what you think. i want you to think.


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    dotsGold Fields and Dark Dalesdots
    -------------------------------------------


         I layed on my back in the field of dandelions and watched as the cumulous creatures hovered by on the winds of change. The golden waves were left and right as far as the eyes percieved, and some warm joy did fill my heart as the wild flowers told me tales of the people once passing through. The hills and dales were painted yellow in splashes of color that completely covered the countryside in some cultivated curtain.
         Parsnips and poppies perched precariously above the fields and meadows as a gentle breeze blew along. The smell of honey and the buzz of bees brought me to some hive, swarming with life. The bees buzzed "Hello" and greeted me graciously as I asked ever so kindly for some snipet of honey. The indulgent insects quickly obliged and granted me countless combs. I gave many thanks and said my goodbyes so I could continue my journey into obscurity.
         As I partook of the plentiful pieces, I stumbled upon some slow moving brooke. The rocks shimmered and glimmered beneath the glassy surface of the lazy water. The lethargy of it lulled me into a sleep of tranquility and peace with myself.
         I woke to be greeted by a rabbit, running in some race with a tortoise. He, too, fell asleep against some tall tree, and I decided it best just to leave him be. I thought a tortoise to be no match for a rabbit, and to be days behind, so the restless rabbit could find some sleep in the calm crannies of the creek.
         I returned once more to my field of dandelions, only to find my former bed overrun with ants. Their hills covered my home and disrupted the daydreams I found only in that field. I took tea with the queen of the ants, and we reached some silly agreement. After many years, my allied ants grew weary of my ways, and their feet ached to move on.
         The bees, too, have hurried on to a heavenly hive, and left me here all alone. Stripped of all my former friends, I grew sadder every second. I griped and grumbled about, and even the dandelions could not cure my depression. I slinked away to curl up in some dark dale and I died without the dandelions. No mourning bees or ants did attend my lifeless body, and no parsnips or poppies prayed for me. I died alone in some dark dale.




    Submitted on 2006-04-26 17:55:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was beautiful.
    I absolutely loved it. Your descriptive adjectives produced a wonderful picture in my head. I saw abstract people, insects, as well as scenery. The human like qualities you attributed to the animals and insects made for a comedic affect. But at the same time, the obvious seriousness of the story made the feel of it mad, or maybe an Alice in Wonderland sort of feel.
    I loved how it showed the progression of the with the progression of the story. The reference to the Tortoise and the Hare was excellent. This also, I think, attributed to the Alice in Wonderland sort of feel.
    I loved that this story shows a happy and tranquil place filled with generous bees and languid brooks, to a certain sadness and feeling of abandonment. It made it feel a bit realistic. (The feeling of realism mixed with the animal's descriptions contributes to the feeling of madness.)
    I liked how he returned to his previously wonderful home n the dandelions to find it over run with ants. His taking tea with the queen to come to some agreement was wonderful. But they grew tried of his ways. This, I think, attributed to the feeling of realism.
    The reference of the bees going to a 'heavenly hive' was a beautiful way to describe what happened to them.
    Then the dandelions become not enough to restore his long lost happiness. The last three sentences, " I slinked away to curl up in some dark dale and I died without the dandelions. No mourning bees or ants did attend my lifeless body, and no parsnips or poppies prayed for me. I died alone in some dark dale."
    Was I think. the perfect way to end this. It attributed to the feeling of madness.
    overall, I have to say that I loved this story. You have a magnificent talent for constructing short stories, and your wonderfully chosen descriptive adjectives make for a perfect way for the reader to envision the setting in their own way. You give the general idea, but there is still room for the reader to make the scene their own.
    Wonderful, wonderful piece.
    Jessie
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]


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