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    dots Submission Name: Ponydots

    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1164
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 768

       where'd you go? i miss you so, not relevant to this just the song im listening to...fort minor...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    why do i go to him?
    why cant i fly away?
    every tricky tricky sun
    becoming more and more of me
    its you that i am thinking of
    yes you
    falling from below
    come on baby ride that pony
    this is my mis shapen love for you

    why cant i fly away?
    if i could run
    you know i would run from you
    stabbing you with my eyes
    yes yes yes
    tricky tricky
    now your thinking
    come on baby ride that pony

    write me sad sad song
    cover me in grass
    light one up and smoke some ash
    you changing everyone
    how about you draw me
    some pretty pretty flowers?
    hm hm hows that sound?

    you know you want to

    Submitted on 2006-04-26 20:21:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you prefer bash it eh? your poem sucks... nah, i'm only kidding. I actually liked this poem alot. My favorite part would have to be

    "why cant i fly away?
    if i could run
    you know i would run from you
    stabbing you with my eyes
    yes yes yes
    tricky tricky
    now your thinking
    come on baby ride that pony"

    because it made me chuckle. It sounded alot like how someone i knows talks to themselves. Also, it seemed to bring the whole poem together. Everything that was said was really... well this stanze seems to center-peice them. enjoy
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ]
      I am not following this at all and I love it.
    What is the pony part about?
    The rhyme scheme of this was not cohesive but it worked very well. The shorter lines made for a very light flow. It worked wonderfully.
    I am thinking that this was about a female trying to get out of a relationship with, or trying to avoid this fellow altogether.
    The last stanza I like the best. I really loved these lines: "write me sad sad song
    cover me in grass"
    The fourth line, maybe, hints at why she doesn't like him, or one of the reasons. He's changing everyone. This last stanza kind of sounds like your making fun of him and it works wonderfully.
    And maybe the fellow drew and thought that he was super cool for it? (Because of the line "how about you draw me
    some pretty pretty flowers?")
    Overall, this poem was wonderful. Very good job.
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]

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