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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A beautiful nightmare.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Gothik
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 94/133/31
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1276
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 723



    Description:
       For all those who felt crushed in the inside, with a beatiful secret, making you bleed from the inside.

    Neko


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA beautiful nightmare.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Screeming in the inside,
    Torn from all side,
    Dreaming of a beautiful nightmare,
    But should I'd be scared...

    Yelling and screaming,
    Feeling like falling,
    In that beautiful insanity,
    I might find serenity...

    Bleeding to tell,
    Raging to yell,
    Kept to secrecy,
    Feeding the pain in me.

    Maybe should I tell you,
    I could love you,
    I'm torn from all side,
    With this secret I should tell...

    But don't you worry,
    Soon you will see.
    My nightmare will end,
    I'll have peace of mind.

    Should I tell you...
    I might never go through.




    Submitted on 2006-04-26 21:37:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the poem on the writeing what i got from it was that he was holding in how he fealt for a girl and he wanted to tell her and it was hurting him not to tell her anyway it wassent cheesy if you ask me i loved it and it decribes how i fealt before.

    ~ Love Timely
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by Oscura | [ Reply to This ]
      aww! its not fair.. *i feel the same right now..* you captured this really well.. other than the typos other ppl touched on i can't really suggest anything.
    good job *gives a hug*

    <3 and PEACE
    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by thehappyfaery | [ Reply to This ]
      Typo's:
    screeming - screaming
    thorn - torn
    secracy - secrecy
    trough - through

    Good writing, keep it up!
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This has quite a bit of typo's and I don't quite understand it's meaning... is it about death? You seem to have good writing talent, keep on trying!
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is kinda cheesy and your spelling honestly just sucks though.its cute though
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by unfixable | [ Reply to This ]
      Yep, it IS cheesy!

    ... Just kidding? Maybe? A little bit? Anyways.. you spelled screaming wrong. My impression of this you may ask? I think it's kinda cool but has some sadness in it. And sad is bad, so it must be a bad poem? A well written bad poem?
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      Good to see you writing again.
    I really like this for your come back piece. Very telling of your time, but still has the suclusion to be mysterious.

    You have a few spelling errors. Thorn I think you meant thrown. and noever is never... and the last one is trough should be through.

    Other than that, good job my friend.

    ~Kim
    | Posted on 2006-04-26 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      
    [Screaming from] the inside,
    Torn from all side[s]
    Dreaming of a beautiful nightmare,
    But should [I] be scared[?]...

    Yelling and screaming,
    Feeling like falling,
    In that beautiful insanity,
    I might find serenity...

    Bleeding to tell,
    Raging to yell,
    Kept to secrecy[sp?]
    Feeding the pain in me.

    Maybe should I tell you,
    I could love you,
    [I am hurt internally
    With this secret in me]

    But don't you worry,
    Soon you will see.
    My nightmare will end,
    I'll have peace of mind.

    Should I tell you...[?]:
    I might never go through.



    Again, I noticed some typoes [I wasn't sure of one of the spellings myself. lol. I noticed a similar trend which you kept in between this and your other write. I really enjyoed the contradictions you had here. It made this write different from others in the category.



    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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