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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Clings To Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nebnim
    ASL Info:    21 - Female - My Room
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 284/405/75
    Words: 263
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1088
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1619



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsClings To Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Trickles of Virginís Berry wine.
    Clouds of various smoke; thick and random.
    A new love, a new name, a new addiction in each needle.
    Oh! What a multi-talented addict Iíve been.
    My bed holding the memories of more lovers than I.
    Men and women with wandering eyes,
    Faithless, hopeless, carefree new-age hippies.
    They stood by my side, as though I were a Messiah.
    They looked upon me, eyes gleaming with their three dimensional love.
    Looking at it straight on, you can only see half of it,
    Never knowing whatís on the other side
    Until they turn their backs on you.
    Ah, so thatís who you areÖ

    Yes, how Iíve changed.
    Though the wine and the smoke remain,
    You are my only lover, love.
    My only addiction.
    I see my weakness every time I look in your eyes.
    A weakness I havenít known since her.
    After all this time, and more to come, I wonder
    Do I still mystify and excite you?
    Does your breath still catch when I lay my head upon your chest?
    My mind still spins when your chest touches my headÖ
    Do all of my little habits and quirks,
    Which were at one point silly and cute,
    Now annoy you?
    Can you see your world in my eyes,
    Your safety in my hands,
    Your desires between my legs,
    Your comfort within my arms?

    When you walk through the door, back into my life,
    Can you feel the admiration in my gaze?
    Can you feel the need in my kisses?
    Your answer is blatant in your smile.




    Submitted on 2006-04-26 22:16:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's good to see that your absense hasn't diminished your skills. You write with a bit of a raw unpolished edge, that's magnetic. Of course, you live that way too, LOL

    There's nothing I can suggest in the way of a change that wouldn't throw my voice into the picture and it doesn't belong there. This is your quite objective look at yourself and you've captured three big pieces of your personality. You reflect on a somewhat checkered past, as you often do, as it's had a huge effect in making you who you are today. You mention the love of your life and the impact he's had. Finally, you wrap it up with a very open, personal look at the unwarranted insecurity that seems to haunt you.

    Most importantly you do all of this with a disarming frankness. We somehow feel welcome to your innermost thoughts, in places we seldom frequent as readers and are much too frightened to visit as writers ourselves. Once again, in offering us a frank look at yourself, you've helped each reader to see inside themselves.

    Thank you,



    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Rachel, I'm quite unworthy to comment on this.

    I realised, as I read it the third time, that I would simply gush like a schoolgirl over how good it was, but the old man in me made me see the poetic flaws and the improvements needed.

    Trouble was, I didn't care! I wanted to tell you how this grabbed me, made me want it to be ME that you were writing to, wanted lots of impossible things.

    In other words, dear, simply exquisite. fuck the poetical bullshit, I loved it.

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      We chase down many roads looking for happiness. Along the way, we stumble and fall, sometimes get torn to shreds, until we find what we've been searching for, and "Surprise!" it is not material or chemical, but another person, a lover, a true love. In that moment things crystalize, become clear, we see the folly of our ways, the road ahead is smooth, we no longer stumble. All of the past, that brought us to this point, seems like so little compared to our expectations of the future, together. I remembered meeting my wife, and how now 35 years later, I can still read love in her smile. I recalled how life simplified when we met, how all the past seemed so insignificant and the future held nothing but wonder and excitement, and still does. Yes, it's a great feeling. Lose the self-doubt, if any remains. Read your partners smile for what it is. Love.

    Look ahead and let your love fill your dreams of what will be, and perhaps even your poetry.

    Loved this, and sensed you did too.

    Phil
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      This is deep. Much deeper than any of us here could understand. I would venture to say that this is your confused conscience and heart shining out from this screen. The feeling of standing on the edge comes to mind for me, as if you arn't broken yet, but you can see it just up the road, and the crash will leave you more hurt than ever before. I pray that you find whatever it you are looking for.

    Cheers
    Tom
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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