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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Confessiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Scribner
    Elite Ratio:    2.3 - 131/134/18
    Words: 40
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 1018
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 338



    Description:
       Just my wandering mind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConfessiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    You are born.
    You are here.
    You exist.
    Desiring God's love
    having done nothing to deserve it.
    You're are in luck.

    You hurt.
    You destroy.
    You repent.
    Desiring God's forgiveness
    having done nothing to deserve it.
    You're f*#ked.




    Submitted on 2006-04-26 23:10:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      are you trying to say gods love/forgiveness is a random at chance thing and isnt available equally to all?

    coz really this piece is too sparce in its images and ideas to convey much more than that to the reader.

    i personally think you could give more of yourself in this idea.
    i realise you wrote it a while ago and may not want anything to do with it now perhaps you can take on some of this comment when you write in the future.

    i think you need to expand this piece.
    right now its kinda like a skeleton. i know what its sposed to be and what you want to say but you arent saying it. you need some muscles to make this piece work... some more imagery... something more concrete to make this piece more identifiable to the reader...
    you need some skin... some kind of protection/disguise for the piece...

    i think you need to explain your perspective a little more because everyone comes to this piece with their own frame of reference. mine is that god is a loving god and if the repentance is real and the heart is willing to change then god will show his love to them...
    but i dont know what your perspective is... part of me thinks you dont think that god is ready and willing to forgive the worst of the worst offenders...
    by painting your stance more clearly it will give the reader something to either agree with or reject...

    how does the title 'confession' fit into this piece? i dont see it as a confession myself but rather two statements linked by the idea of the love of god...

    have you written anything else in the year since you posted this...?
    | Posted on 2007-07-03 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Most powerfull by contents than by form. An essencial and nude form to sustain, not to distract from subject.
    | Posted on 2006-05-15 00:00:00 | by Tania A. | [ Reply to This ]
      THAT- was simply badd-@$$!

    I chuckled on the insyde and grinned on the out. Thys was right up my ally. And unbiasly; was perfectly formatted.

    Keep up the eXcellent work, and remember; God even loves what s/he throws away...

    !Mr. Beck!
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Maguir3_B3ck | [ Reply to This ]
      Short...yet very powerful! I love it.
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by Amanda_d19 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked that writing. People really need to look at the life they have cherish it and look at the life they live and better it.
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by iamwhoiam | [ Reply to This ]
      lol, its true. people want to blame God for all the [censored] that happens, but they never look at themselves. never thanked God for the good.
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by irish_fairy1018 | [ Reply to This ]
      i thot this was class so powerful
    | Posted on 2006-06-06 00:00:00 | by biffy2006 | [ Reply to This ]


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