[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: fanastydots

    Author: dismal_s child
    ASL Info:    19/F/On A Carousel
    Elite Ratio:    3.24 - 451/419/172
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/
    Total Views: 935
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    i finger the gun, daring myself to pull the trigger heavy charcoal metal so heavy (such a contrast to the warmsoft scarlet blood) i trace the barrell memorizing each soft curve gathering my courage i dare myself to pull the trigger i hold the shiny object to my skull feeling the weights of my mind pull themselves into the gunmy finger slowly pulls back (the cat laying lazily on my bed has no clue) i hear a strange clickand almost directly after that a sickening yet comforting thud but between that time slowsthe bullet takes its time comming out of the barrell (i inhale) i pray my final prayers (my breath catches in my lungs) the bullet slips forward (i exhale) the bullet hits my skull (my breath is gone)

    Submitted on 2006-04-27 06:22:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      well, Sweetheart, you know i'm going to say this, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
    i feel better now.
    way to give me new grey hairs, Kiddo.
    thank god you haven't access to firearms.
    see you this weekend,
    love and kisses hugs and misses,
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by ruejacobs | [ Reply to This ]
      meh. Average teen angst poem-type thing. I've seen a hundred different poems almost exactly like this.

    and i just noticed "fantasy" is spelled wrong.

    Um...I guess you could find a different way to write this. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that these poems are kind of monotonous. I see them all the time, especially on this site. And most of the suicide poems seem to have no point behind them. What drove the speaker to suicide? I mean, it'd have to be something intense and drastic to make me want to kill myself. But, there's really no motive behind suicide in this one. Maybe you could make this poem longer and give reasons as to why the speaker is killing him/herself. It would make more sense. Because, as it stands, it's just kinda, "blah I killed myself."
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by gargleafg | [ Reply to This ]
      This was breath-takingly chilling. Beautiful in its own dark twisted right. Very good, loved the dark feeling in this.

    Be Blessed,
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this sure is a powerful poem you've written! It has some typo's but I think the reader gets your point, I just hope you're not really planning on doing this!
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by psycho_1 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]