[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: When It Crumblesdots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Misc/Longing
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1078

       Not really poetry...not really anything.
    Just thoughts in my head that wanted to come out and would not be forced into a rhyme scheme or flow in any way that I wanted. I think it speaks for itself...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen It Crumblesdots

    I think I might have given you everything,
    But there was always that small part that I kept for myself
    Hoping one day, you might know me well enough
    To claim it as your own.

    You watched me sleep,
    You watched my face come alive with desire
    But you never saw me dance

    You never saw the joy that comes with forming something of your own skills and talents.
    You never saw my dreams realized.
    You never knew that I would have followed you to the ends of the earth.
    You never asked.

    You stopped kissing me like I wanted to be kissed
    When it was you who made me realize that in the first place
    You stopped touching me the way you taught me to enjoy
    And you said you were just being nice.

    I wonder if it would be the same if I had been the one to leave,
    If I had hurt you as you hurt me
    If I had stopped loving you

    I wonder how you'll feel when it all crumbles around you...

    Submitted on 2006-04-27 12:26:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      he'll feel like he made a big mistake...this poem was okay but you are such a better writer. this sounds more like something I would write, and well...u are better than I so...get the point? Like I know I am okay but I also know that you exceed okay. Doot doot.
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      man. i shouldnt have read this. im already too... lost in the lyrical abyss with soft edges but sharp realizations... it was good, deffinitely in sync with my crazy red-headed thing.. i feel lost, but i dont want to find myself if its just another day full of wrongness.
    | Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ]
      These thoughts....they're interesting. I wonder the same thing. Would he be in such pain if you would have ran off with some other guy and told him to beat the [censored] off? I mean....really. I really wonder. And yes...for all the pain he's caused....his world will have it's fair share of crumbling. I can't wait until it does. And I'm sure he won't like it one bit. Actually...I bet you anything....he'll crawl back to you. Or well, if not, he'll stick up your ass and try to be all open and [censored]. I know this didn't rhyme but I really did like it. It was really nice. Well written...I think.


    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      I tell you what. It feels like sh*t when everything crumbles around you. Sorry you have to go through this pain. The poem is brilliant. Don't stop 'til you get it all out.
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by In the Fire... | [ Reply to This ]
      so sad, and so true...njo one should have to feel this pain....
    truly lovely, though, i like the flow and the feel of the write
    | Posted on 2006-09-06 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very deep write
    I am sorry you had to go through this pain
    But realize must of us do in Life
    I can tell you opened up your heart to this man and gave him all the Love you had and it seems like he just threw it away
    A very good Write here!!!
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-04-27 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Push written by JanePlane
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Cover written by saartha
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Every..... written by jackz
    Fasade written by jackz
    4th of July written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]