WOW that gun is scary lol anyway I like your poem its scary b ut cool. I hate guns sometimes. Because of bad experiance, but just wanted to comment you on this I really like the picture its nice/scary. anyway... yeah..
I'm sure there is nothing i can say that hasn't already been said by someone else, but here is my opinion. I liked this though. I think that you would like the song "The Noose" by A Perfect Circle. Check it out if you already haven't. I've read a lot of poems that follow this theme, but I'm not going to say it is a bit too cliché because i don't think it is. It was a good write. It flowed easily, and the rythme was pretty decent considering that this was a free verse poem. My favorite part was "Delete the memories, Let go the crippled dreams" I know that there are many things in my life that I've done, that I don't want to remember. Great write though!! ~Alyssa~
Wow..Well this was fu-cking awsome my friend, very good. I can relate, I loved the ending "Fly with me" I think that sums it up nicely. I think that my favorite parts were:
"Enrage me. Embrace me. Fly with me."
"Condemn me. Betray me. Die with me."
The comparison between those two stanza's was amazing, it just seperated everything..This was an amazing piece, I liked the title, I think thats what attracted me to it. Once I hit the first line, I was in to it, very emotional and painful, lets me feel everything that you feel, painted a sad image in my head. Keep up the great writes, Take Care.
I am sitting here with my mouth wide open...I am just that shocked at how good this was from start to finish. I loved the flow wnd the wording. Good imagery. I was picturing it all, flying away all bloody and giving up on all things that would never come true. Deep and emotional. Powerful wording. This is a fav.
From the first line I was dragged in because, personally, and probably to many, that line speaks out to me...it speaks so much.... But to me, it seemed like the effect faded just slightly after the second stanza but then shot right but up again in the last one. That's not neccessarily a bad thing, it's just that maybe try to look it over and bump up the intensity of the other two stanzas, otherwise it was really really good!
i do have respect for emo angsty poems because i used to write them A LOT, but idk this just doesnt seem to speak to me too much...i have to say though that this line stood out:
"Sew up the razor wounds caressed with angels' tears."
it sounds much better than the rest of the poem, and is the only thing close to original being that ive never heard of angel tears caressing anything lol.
im sorry if im coming off as blunt, but with angsty poetry and all, there is so much you can do to expand upon it. most of the ones people see and read are so cliché and lack any real originality. granted, there are some that have broken free from the cliché and created some nice original pieces, but it would be nice to see some more people follow suit. it is possible to make beautiful angsty poetry without your raw depression screaming to be erased.
This was the best thing I've ever read from you, I love emo stop insulting emo lols. Really intense george.....your wording was awesome and the title was perfect. this whole thing really was brilliant. am sooo glad you posted it, favorite, no second thought on that. yeah I loved everything about it and the good comment thing says this is a bad comment but I don't care. amazing write, jess
um... wierd pretty much sums it up.... first of all its not about wacked out labratory expiraments and second its on suicide... what are you up to?!?!?!?! lol jk. yeah i dont know if i liked it as much as ur other ones. and I know youre gonna sk why so here it is. It didnt make much sense and I didnt get much imagery off of it.
"Enrage me embrace me fly with me"
unless you were trying to make it sound cool it didnt make sense same with
"Condemn me. Betray me. Die with me."
Maybe it has to do with the thoughts of the suicidal person alright then it makes some sense but they didnt make too much sense same with the last line. BTW I hate emo poems. and its too emo. I dont get it... whtvr i'll cal you soon.
Overall this piece was a little scary in the first read. I didnt get it, but do a little more now. My favorite parts had to be most all of it. Not sure what touched me the most, but i loved it. Imagery is good.
Let go the crippled dreams of feigned salvation. The noose is falling, fly away with me.
This part seems so sad...let go of crippled dreams. sometimes finding someone to "fly away with you" makes it all better, but sometiems it just casues more problems because that person has issues as well. Youve got a lot of comments, and thsi is a very good write. Loved all the stuff you've written so far. ~Nichole
This poem makes me want to cry because it is basically the story of my life. It flows really well. there's so much emotion, i seriously feel like i want to cry. This... it's really good. This is probably one of the best poems ive read
My Friend this is a very powerful write I can feel the emotion you are writing of with every word This write I also believe is very important for some of your peers who feel the way you do to read Congrats on an excellent and deep write God Bless Ron