Okay, I liked the metaphor use that you used throughout your poem. That was really cool. But I wouldn;'t end it like you did, either add on or take that stanza off, because it doesn't make your good poem end so well. Also, get rid of the caps lock, lol, it makes me feel like you're screaming your poem at me rather than trying to explain the way you feel to me. Otherwise, I really liked the whole idea of it, it could just use some work.
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