Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Katrinagolden
ASL Info:    27/F/chicago
Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 228 /213 /53
Words: 137
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1418
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 738


I don't know where this came from but it does feel like the war has begun. Any comments are welcomed.


Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am?
I bet you look at my face and you think you know me
But you know nothing at all.
You are stuck in a cave and you distort reality to your own desire.
I am sick of being a puppet.
No longer will I be defeated
The war begins now
I declare it
Screams are bellowing
My heart is in pain
There will be no more suffering
In the end you will be gone
I will survive
Because I am me
I do not fight to lose
And in the end I will be victorious
On one side stand my fears
On the other all of my hopes
I will defeat my fears because all I have to fear is fear itself

Submitted on 2006-04-28 10:47:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  This piece makes me think of the reason behind war....You have just stated the reason... I'm sure a lot of people would like to read this piece because it explains exactly why people declare war although they also declare that a better world will result because of it....THe victory will be yours while the loss will be there....

You've explained it all....That's all i really wanted to say for this piece.... You made me think of this world and why things happen the way they happen.... I guess it's best to reflect at one's self and state the same issues to one's self and see if the desire is still the same....

I think it would be...
Anyhow, good write.....Enjoyed it very much...Thanks for sharing it...
Hope to meet again soon...
Do take care....
| Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice job Karen,

This sounds just like a feisty, in your face, young lady declaring war with society, aka parents, boyfriend, teacher, etc..

Think about the last line because it immediately made me think you were quoting FDR's 'All we have to fear...' speach.

The girl I see in this poem stands on her own and will defeat her fears because of her hopes!
She has nothing to fear.

| Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, actually, I really like this. I do agree that it does seem to be a self conflict within yourself; and again I agree that it is very human. I believe that atleast once in someone's life, we experience a time where we fight with ourselves. Usually to find out who we really are...

Well I didn't find anything wrong with the poem, I liked it all. The only personal issue I have (and I advise you not to take this close to heart, because someone else may absolutely love it - including yourself, so please don't take any offense to it) but if it were my poem, I'm not sure if I would have made the title 'WAR!!' like that. I mean, the capitals does seem angry or loud and I guess that does work for the word, 'war'...But I don't know, I've always thought that upper case letters throughout the whole word isn't really needed...

But you know what, other than that, this was really good for me. I enjoyed reading it, and as I too am slowly finding myself I can understand the struggle of which I think you're talking about. The line that most caught my attention was:

'You are stuck in a cave and you distort reality to your own desire'

Mostly because it's exactly that distortion that starts to define even the most fake areas of a personality; all just to fit in or 'be somebody'.

Thanks for the comment, and the read :). Happy everything, best wishes, and take care. -Stefhy
| Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm, Don't really know what to say to this one. It reads like a conflict within yourself.
The war as you say, could be the fear of growing older or stepping out and trying something new. Fear is good to a point because it allows to be careful but we should never allow it to make us prisoners.
I know the saying about fearing fear.
I don't particular agree with the saying but it is true to a point.
This could be about a parent not letting your grow up by visiting their fears upon you and then again it could be your own inner demons that you are talking about.
I tend to think it is a self reflection of you.
This would read better if you added some cause and effect to it. The reader needs to know what it is that you really fear and why you feel so strongly about it. I understand that there is a feeling of being held back but give some more details.

Well I have rambled on too much so I will end this with
Good job.

Respect and Admiration

| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this poem because it seems very human...when we become fed up with doing things for people who do nothing in return then its about conquering fears and moving on. I think you do a good job portraying that in this poem. It seems to have the good vs evil thing as well and we all have those moments..anyway good poem i'll check out some more of your work.
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by norm | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?