Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Get Away


Author: owlman23
ASL Info:    29/m/al
Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 71 /75 /28
Words: 136
Class/Type: Misc /Depressed
Total Views: 1383
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 821



Description:


Not sure where I was going with this. It started as a poem but now it kinda reads like lyrics. I don't know, your help would be greatly appreciated.


Get Away



Lost inside too scared to hide
I just want to get away.
Hands now tied by my side
Never going to get away.

As my foot leaves the stool
I feel like a fool
Too bad it’s too late
Swinging now I start to smile
The light in the tunnel awaits.
Now I’ll get away

I backed myself into this corner
Wrapped the rope around my neck
Can't seem to find the thought in my mind
To make me feel regret.
No don't cry its only goodbye.
I’m just beginning at the end.

Walking now amidst the clouds
I wonder, “Where is that pearly gate?”
In the distance ahead I see what I dread
A gathering darkness there awaits.
I knew I’d never get away.




Submitted on 2006-04-28 13:23:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  It's a very profound poem and full of feeling. It looks like a poem to me, although the first two stanzas have a kind of "Lyrics" air.
Anyhows I liked it, the reader can feel the struggle in your soul and the metaphore wioth the rope and the chair is brilliantly imaginative. Only the first stanza it's a little bit simple and the second and fourth line are kind of the same. You're right at first ut starts like a not-s-very-worked-on song and then it beginns to be written more carefully. You could work on the first two stanzas. And the No don't cry its only goodbye needs punctuation and inverted comas.
Anyway on the whole good read.
-Angie-
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Angie444 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



100968