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Over the shoulder into the woods

Author: owlman23
ASL Info:    29/m/al
Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 71 /75 /28
Words: 49
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1227
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 308


Its short but I ran out of words and couldn't go any further. I guess it was meant to be short. Tell me what you think. Any suggestions for a tittle?

Over the shoulder into the woods

Out among the swirling leaves
The small child plays alone.
The lurking darkness in the trees
Sadly, goes unknown.

Only briefly does it catch the eye
Of the guardians at the gate.
Will they notice as the shadow looms
Or will they be too late?

Submitted on 2006-04-28 13:40:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Hello again,

I really liked this poem, but reading the above comments afterwards, I felt that they had reduced it to a much too specific interpretation (which maybe you did have in mind, who knows). But for me, nothing specific determines the nature of the danger. A lurking darkness in the trees could be anything, the woods, or park, or whatever the setting, could easily be a metaphor for any of those situations in life where a child is exposed to a threat that is hard to recognize for adults. So I think this is a powerful poem, well written, nothing redundant, carefully understated.
| Posted on 2006-11-28 00:00:00 | by Lerlim | [ Reply to This ]
  I think this piece is the kind that the reader takes what they will of it, seems to me that it was written for interpretation. You maybe had nothing in mind for it to say...

well I think that it will be too late, when it may get bad it will. and i hate that about life. i need something bad. i love you.
| Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
  Maybe its just me, but i think this is creepy, but its still good. you did a really good job in the beginning of establishing the innocence of the kid in the beginning, it made the abduction seem a lot more evil and cruel. Your poem really makes the abuctor look and feel like some powerful force, i guess thats what the kidnapped kids think of the kidnappers, that was nice touch. At first i thought too that the "guardians of the gate" meant parents, but as i reread it, they seemed more like the police or law enforcement and how sometimes they can be cruel and so blind at the s.hit that happens to these kids. This was very powerful even though it was short, and i dont see how you can expand it. Nice write.

| Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by Faith_Disease | [ Reply to This ]
  I guess I too think that you are talking about someone abducting a child.
The gardians being society or adults that catch a glimpse but think nothing of it until it is too late. This could mean many things and one of your commentors said this could be a loss of innocense. I wonder.
For such a short poem it seems to say alot.
I have raised five children and I am blessed to have never had this happen to one of them.

Nicely Done

Respect amd Admiration.

| Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
  I also thought that this had to do with abduction. How a child can be playing so innocently one minute, and the next be snatched up by some s.o.b who is really sick and twisted.

As far as the line about the "guardians at the gate", first reading this I thought that you were talking about the parents, maybe back at the house watching their child play across the street, then turning away for one second just to find them gone when they turn back around. Could be wrong, but this was just my interpretation.

I also wonder if you were subtly trying to hint at the innocence of all people, and how it can be so quickly taken away...

| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  Ahh...I really like this! It seems like every time I watch the news these days, another kid gets abducted. It's really sad to see what these pervs do to children. I like that you paint a picture and it's subtle, but you almost instantly catch the meaning of the words. The only thing that I saw that I didn't care for was in the first stanza last line. Rather than:

"Sadly goes unknown"
youu might try:

goes unknown." That just places a little more emphasis on the emotional nature of the poem. Other than that minor detail, I thought this was an excellent write! Thank you for sharing.
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by clovernfoxglove | [ Reply to This ]
  Interesting theme...I wonder though, did you mean to say that you yourself are stalked by something that is dangerous or is it the all of us? then whom would play the part of the "guardians at the gate"?
imho it should be titled-'over the shoulder into the woods'
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]

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