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Acerbic


Author: Magnolia Steele
ASL Info:    30/female/Northwest CA
Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 2492 /1825 /232
Words: 71
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1123
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 465



Description:


This was a fun piece to post. I wrote this while away and revised it as I typed it. A little more blunt than I normally write, but hey that is just me. I'm open to suggestions. Enjoy.


Acerbic



Bitter is the taste
of words left on
your palate to
swallow in whole
and burn away
at your insides;
Eroding your system
as the vemon you
spewed retracts
into your veins
leaving traces of
belated clarity as to
why she is gone
and will never return
to your aid again.

Would you like a tall glass of regret to wash the bitterness away?





Submitted on 2006-04-28 16:34:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Would you like a tall glass of regret to wash the bitterness away?

damn that's a pretty phucked up thing to tell someone when they're already wallowing in their own guilt. i don't wanna get u angry now cuz ur pretty cut throat. this was really really good. the way the bitterness ate him from the inside out is really cool. and that's how it is in real life. regret and grief cause emotional pain. and that's in the heart.
| Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  This is good Maggie. I haven't really thought about bitterness being a tangible thing before, especially not a taste, which probably sounds odd because even I sat that somethings leaves a bitter taste...
But hey, I enjoyed the maner in which it was blunt yet still vivid. The last line, at first just struck me as off balancing, not bad or out of place, but, unexpected. Sort of like after making a point, being slapped in the face. Adding metaphorical injury to insult. It drove the whole thing home tenfold once I reoriented myself(because it felt like, oh, the chastism is over now until you read the question).
But to answer the question, no, regret doesn't feed into anger as well as bitterness, actually it sort of diludes it, so I'll take a pass on the glass of regret. But in a writer's curriosity, I would like to see what you have to say about regret as a drink.
Salaam.
| Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Rastine Aristat | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Ya Catrina!

I really like this. That sense of bitterness is strong. It is great to say those things and get them to come off of the page at the reader. I am still rinsing out my mouth.
From a writers point of view I do wonder if you could tighten it up a bit. There are a lot of little words in it that may not help much to carry the feeling. No need to change it, I like it as is. Just thoughts.


Nice work.

Chrystine
| Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
  im adding this one to y list of favorites.. enough said but I will add that I shall think of this peice net time I am temptd to tell somone off...
| Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey Maggie/Cat nope, Maggie'll do. This is rather neat. I like the idea behind it, and can only nit pick. The long line at the end is a great way to finish it, too, very different and effective.

NOW from nitpicky Graeme, I'd change the semicolon after insides to a comma, and drop the capital after.

I would question your use of "aid" If this is personal, than okay, it means aid, I would have used "side" or something (but that's only me).

Otherwise, excellent. You get better all the time, very well done.

be happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  really liked this one maggie, your last line brought it all home so well,for life is to short for bitterness to fester within any soul,and regrets well always be there because if it
take care
adnil
| Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
  This was simply brilliant Maggie. I really do like this. My favourite line was the last one and yet at the same time I was spectical about it being so long but anyway, this was still an awesome write and so definitely a fav. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.

Your friend Jason.
| Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this loads - v short but packed with undertones and with meaning. I love poems that are not direct, sort of going somewhere but going round the houses first! I guess it's about some spiteful person who realises too late their nasty words did the damage?...

take care
Debbie
| Posted on 2006-04-29 00:00:00 | by cerberus74 | [ Reply to This ]
  Blunt? -no. Awesome? -yes.

Shivers of evil. Wonderfully evil shivers.

That's what I got.

It was so tangible- so phucking solid... For me- a perfect write. And that last lyne? DAMN! I used it already today in conversation. It's so good it's quotable!

Keep that up, and remember::: The crap that spews from peoples mouths on a daily basis is the reason the world stinks so much...

!Mr. Beck!
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Maguir3_B3ck | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a new favorite. I find this to be an amazing sense of clarity. I have felt so bitter for a little while now. And I don't want to be anymore. Thank you for lighting that up and making me see what my bitterness is doing to me. I am going to read this everytime I get angry and bitter at people now.
Thank you
Briannan
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Briannan | [ Reply to This ]


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