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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a point to the spiral?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Skillessbasterd
    ASL Info:    19/withdiseasedstrangers/
    Elite Ratio:    4.58 - 497/676/207
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 187
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1230



    Description:
       no explination currently available. please check later for the updated version of the spiral. thank you and enjoy the ride.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa point to the spiral?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sweet conviction I live in premonition’s all given a final prescription for our hearts
    Or a prophets inscription of caustic indifference incautiously written to the stars
    the need for revolution’s rising though solution can be biting
    but we’re just inviting dilution for our scars

    It’s not getting across why nailed to a cross is the reason for change
    We’re losing our faith and improving our pace glittered with tar
    Shift seamless like you mean it love far beneath us
    There is no reason why we’ve fallen this far

    I can’t get across the extent that I am lost
    Only meant that I might have forgot
    To cry from bullet hearts shot
    straight through my brain

    Gun in my lungs shoot reason to numb
    Turn to torment from boredom
    So assured I’ll escape from
    My most favorite game

    Twisting my missed me spiral
    Wear gloves to shove
    Violently viral
    BLAME






    Submitted on 2006-04-29 01:21:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I have to say that this is a very alluring …. I did consider that the beginning of the piece was a bit hard to follow; I believe that that can be accounted for the length the introductory lines. As to the format, I reckon it was quite interesting, and I happened to think that it was more effective at the end …. It gave it a cool effect having short lines and at the same shooting such kind of emotions. At any rate, I believe that the second part of the poem was more appealing. I must confess that this could be explained due to I might not have grasped all that you were saying particularly as to the first part. I liked when you say

    “To cry from bullet hearts shot
    Straight through my brain”

    Those are great lines! I don’t’ know whether I’m being dim again or what but I couldn’t quite figure out what you meant by “Twisting my missed me spiral” I seems to me that there might be an inconsistency there, have look at it anyhow.

    All in all, this piece calls to mind some of my writes in which I’ve dealt with similar matters.

    Take Care,
    Ethan.


    | Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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