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Battling my thoughts


Author: soaring eyes
ASL Info:    17/f/ga
Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 18 /30 /19
Words: 160
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 981
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 847



Description:


A heart broken lover with mind and body covered in tears.


Battling my thoughts



Why did you leave me alone, you know that the feelings were so strong.
A love that would last and would forever go on.
Is now empty and poor and it feels so wrong.
To not be able to say I love you and hear it repeat,
followed by sweet soft words that would swift me off my feet.
Heartache and pain has now entered my life.
It use to be love and joy, now there is nothing but strife.
What am I suppose to do now that you've gone away?
Am I suppose to sit around and wait with the thought that you might come back some day?
How am I suppose to feel,
when all along I thought it was real.
Now I'm sitting here battling my thoughts
trying to figure out should I live or die, but that decision will be made while I lie in my bed and cry.





Submitted on 2006-04-29 16:32:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This poem i would say is very good.
Its Very well written and structured.
but
i think you should change the alast line
i dont think it makes any sense.
try
"Now I'm sitting here battling my thoughts
trying to figure out should i live or die,
the only thing this has done
has made me cry and cry.
i cannot bare this anymore.
my love foryou has been thrown to the floor.
i suffered so much while you live on your life.
i wish that in my heart there was placed a knife."

i think that might sound a little better but maybe not but yeah.
great poemt tho!

| Posted on 2007-09-13 00:00:00 | by tiffaroox3 | [ Reply to This ]
  Full of sadness and emotion. Very well written and structured. The flow was good and I enjoyed reading this.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


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