Turmoil soup by Ethan Brody

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Submission Name: Turmoil soup dots

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Author:	Ethan Brody
ASL Info:	27- M - Dunsinane
Elite Ratio:	8 - 356/166/55
Words:	42

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	251
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	373

Description:
I'd be very thankful if you commented on this piece. I wrote it a couple of months ago and I've been trying to fix it ever since....

Turmoil soup dots

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Epistemological dejection
Trigger by bemusement.
Procrastinated decisions,
Ignited by abandonment,
Excited by discouragement.
Internal afflictions,
That evoke a fall,
and provoke a mental war.
Inward mysteries,
Fuelled by emptiness,
Driven by despondency,
Emulating despair.

Submitted on 2006-04-30 01:24:23 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  As far as you may think that this needs correction by rws as cleaned it up. There is nothing else I would change or add to this one, it is very good, well constructed and the flow was good. Most of the time you dont get to see other persons work unless they commented on one of urs but I'm glad u commented on mine or else I wouldn't get to read something so spectacular like this. About the depression they above are talking about, I dont know if thats the case thus my reason not to give any advices yet all I wanna share with you is this little phrase "Not every gift is a blessing, but not every curse is without reward"

P.S
Brian
Keep Holding on, you'll make it through
(Avril Lavigne)
| Posted on 2007-10-14 00:00:00 | by b_v_grant | [ Reply to This ]
  This was an interesting write, I liked it but its a bit difficult to give you any suggestions now seening that rws as given you all that you might need. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.
| Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  Epistemological dejection
Trigger(ed) by bemusement.
Procrastinated decisions,
Ignited by abandonment,
Excited by discouragement.
Internal inflictions (afflictions?),
Evoking (evoke) a fall,
Provoking (provoke) a mental storm.
Inward mysteries,
Fuelled (fueled) by emptiness,
Driven by despondency,
Emulating (emulate) despair.

I hope you don't mind me cleaning up your text a bit for the sake of consistency (got to keep the comment warden happy). You seem to be the poet laureate of depression/brooding/introspection (and your pic says quite a lot about the distracted state of mind you call home).

All your writes are interesting journeys into the soul, Ethan (and this one sounds like a bad case of longterm angst laced with mental anguish). I'm curious as to what you could do with a lighter subject.

Take care of yourself.
Bill.

| Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  It sounds like you have hit the wall, perhaps encountered the absurd, the Nothing, and am trapped there. Perhaps this is a passing mood but it sounds like something more serious than that.
I would love to correspond with you about this. I taught philosophy as well as some religious studies for many years and have gone through the kind of experience you are describing many times. If you care to email: rhartman@mcdaniel.edu -- or post a message on my elite skills site. Your poem is very moving and powerful.
| Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by robbie111999 | [ Reply to This ]

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