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    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: Roberto Santos
    ASL Info:    18/Male/India
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 118/159/75
    Words: 97
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1264
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 672

       I sometimes act as if what happens doesn't affect or concern me in the least, but it does, it hurts deep inside.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    She's one with the morning
    That greets me as I wake
    She's always on my mind
    Her memories I can't forsake.

    I'd give everything I own
    Just for one smile
    I would do anything for her
    If only she smiled.......

    Visions of her trouble me
    Wherever I may go
    She inspires and uplifts me
    Much to her I owe.

    Hidden within my soul
    This fascination eats into me
    She belongs to another
    And this I clearly see.

    Accursed wretch am I
    That grieves in despair
    This shattered lonely heart
    I can never repair.

    Submitted on 2006-04-30 10:51:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can at least say that you aren't afraid to show emotion or even to make yourself vulnerable. I feel you can be much more creative with this piece to be honest with you. As I tell so many others: This piece is just too obvious to me. It doesn't challenge me in any way, shape or form. It doesn't cause my mind to ponder on it, because it has already been laid out for me. This is not a cut down, in fact, I encourage you to continue to write, write, write. You'll become more creative in the way you describe things. Look at it this way, you already have passion and that's an important quality as a writer.
    | Posted on 2007-09-11 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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