Love through a broken window. by Gothik

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Submission Name: Love through a broken window. dots

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Author:	Gothik
ASL Info:	22 / m / Canada
Elite Ratio:	3.36 - 93/132/30
Words:	108

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	263
Average Vote:	3.6667
Bytes:	711

Description:
Those who had there heart teared apart will understand me.

Love through a broken window. dots

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Looking through this broken window,
I am watching those lovers below,
Filling my heart with pain,
Filling my head with shame.

The clock is tiking away,
And there goes another day.
Should I call you,
Or must it be for good.

I can't clear my head,
With those dark cloud ahead.
I must forget you,
But if only you knew.

You were just too good for me,
Now I can't even sleep.
May your soul go away,
With nothing more to say.

Let's end this, and set me free.
Since you'll never let me be.
Please ear me,
And go away from me.

Submitted on 2006-04-30 21:24:39 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  hey
i loved how you did this and i dont see why u cant find inspiration hun u are an awsome writter now just keep up with what u r doing and it will be ok
with love
tashea

(i loved what u did with the emotion of the poem!)
| Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by nikita2u | [ Reply to This ]
  I have to agree with Aki, this just isn't your same standards of writing, but it is still good, none-the-less.

There are a few spelling errors, but they're easy to catch when nyou read back through.

May I lay some advice on you while I'm right here? She wasn't too good for you dear, it was the other way 'round. She kept you back and made you do stupid things. I think it's good that you ended it and please, just delete her number from your memory.

Keep your chin up and stay above. I'll join you there almost soon.

~Kim
| Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  A couple spelling errors, and that makes it kinda confusing. It also seems to have less feeling in it then what you usally write. Of course that could just be Aki's twisted brain saying all of that. ^_^ Really sad *sniffle*
| Posted on 2006-04-30 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]

Looking through this [shattered] window,
I [watch] those lovers below,
Filling my heart with pain,
Filling my head with shame.

The clock is [ticking] away,
And there goes another day.
Should I call you, or [would
This feeling] be for good.

I can't clear my head,
With those dark cloud[s] ahead.
I must forget [my love for ]you,
[It'd be different if you] knew.

You were just too good for me,
Now I can't even sleep.
May your soul go away,
With nothing more to say.

Let's end this, and set me free.
Since you'll never let me be.
[From me, please go away
Or this pain in my heart will always stay]

It still seems kinda rusty. I hope you like the few suggestions I had for this write.

Otherwise, this had a powerful content and sad but strong message. You narrowly avoided cliché.
Well-put and Sadly enjoyable

Abbas
| Posted on 2006-07-08 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
  This I feel was a very important write for your well being
I know that by writing this you cleard up some confusion that was still floating around in your mind
I hope you can use the lessons you learned from this relationship to help you move forward
You seem strong Im sure you will
God Bless
Ron

Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
Thank You
Ron
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Good use of emotion, I love the short rythm to this one. It really connects to people, and brings them in. (I noticed a few typos, but I'm letting them slide since it's you :p) Don't ever give up fith in your writing!
| Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by saramaple | [ Reply to This ]

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