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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Stream Beneath Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Oli
    ASL Info:    23/F
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 206/211/53
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 966
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 455



    Description:
       This is about a rough night I had two nights ago. I handled it, not- so-well. But everything is alright now. This is just my interpretation of how I felt and how I delt with it. It's not my best piece but it's not made to please. It was made to get it out of my already crowded head. It doesn't go into detail. It's sort of vauge and can be taken a few different ways. You can just think what you think it means.


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    dotsThe Stream Beneath Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Deep beneath my pain
    There is a stream
    That flows
    Far beyond this world
    To the depths of my soul
    To the part of me that feels nothing
    In a great deal of something
    To the part of me that freezes
    When all around me is hot and screeching
    But when the hot reaches itís boil point
    The stream beneath me gives
    And I brake
    With nothing left but shreds of who I was




    Submitted on 2006-05-01 09:07:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Deep beneath my pain
    There is a stream
    That flows
    Far beyond this world
    To the depths of my soul

    Me too.

    To the part of me that feels nothing
    In a great deal of something
    To the part of me that freezes
    When all around me is hot and screeching
    But when the hot reaches itís boil point
    The stream beneath me gives
    And I brake
    With nothing left but shreds of who I was

    Lots of sadness in those last two lines. The poems had an almost hypnotic quality to it in that it caught my attention and then took me down into the depths of my own unconscious to live your poem in my own way.

    Glad your feeling better now

    Kate
    xxx
    | Posted on 2006-05-10 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      I believe I know what you are writing about
    To me it nseems you are speaking of your blood
    And how cutting or shedding blood to feel your alive is reality
    I find this sad and I hope you were not writing this based on your life
    You did a fantastic job with this
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you mean "break" in the second-to-the last line...but otherwise this was good and made perfect sense to me. I, also, have that emptiness inside of me that feels nothing...yet is on the verge of collapse at any moment...a surging RIVER of nothingness...I can also relate to the concept of freezing up and becoming immobile as a reaction to things...

    I'm sorry you had a rough night, I can definitely empathise...

    Take care,

    ~B~
    | Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked that this poem showed such a contrast between the outside of you and the inside, but there needs to be clearer discription like on the sentence: "and a great deal of something". dont rhyme for rhymes sake. take words like "nothing" and "pain" and make them deeper. and expand on why there's screeching, and why it is hot outside. and most importantly: why do you have such pain! Also ther should have been at least two paragraphs.
    i love the stream concept. expand!! you have great potential just go deeper like the "stream"!!
    | Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by nightroof | [ Reply to This ]


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