Description: This is about a rough night I had two nights ago. I handled it, not- so-well. But everything is alright now. This is just my interpretation of how I felt and how I delt with it. It's not my best piece but it's not made to please. It was made to get it out of my already crowded head. It doesn't go into detail. It's sort of vauge and can be taken a few different ways. You can just think what you think it means.
The Stream Beneath Me -------------------------------------------
Deep beneath my pain
There is a stream
That flows
Far beyond this world
To the depths of my soul
To the part of me that feels nothing
In a great deal of something
To the part of me that freezes
When all around me is hot and screeching
But when the hot reaches it’s boil point
The stream beneath me gives
And I brake
With nothing left but shreds of who I was
Deep beneath my pain There is a stream That flows Far beyond this world To the depths of my soul
Me too.
To the part of me that feels nothing In a great deal of something To the part of me that freezes When all around me is hot and screeching But when the hot reaches it’s boil point The stream beneath me gives And I brake With nothing left but shreds of who I was
Lots of sadness in those last two lines. The poems had an almost hypnotic quality to it in that it caught my attention and then took me down into the depths of my own unconscious to live your poem in my own way.
I believe I know what you are writing about To me it nseems you are speaking of your blood And how cutting or shedding blood to feel your alive is reality I find this sad and I hope you were not writing this based on your life You did a fantastic job with this God Bless Ron
I think you mean "break" in the second-to-the last line...but otherwise this was good and made perfect sense to me. I, also, have that emptiness inside of me that feels nothing...yet is on the verge of collapse at any moment...a surging RIVER of nothingness...I can also relate to the concept of freezing up and becoming immobile as a reaction to things...
I'm sorry you had a rough night, I can definitely empathise...
i liked that this poem showed such a contrast between the outside of you and the inside, but there needs to be clearer discription like on the sentence: "and a great deal of something". dont rhyme for rhymes sake. take words like "nothing" and "pain" and make them deeper. and expand on why there's screeching, and why it is hot outside. and most importantly: why do you have such pain! Also ther should have been at least two paragraphs. i love the stream concept. expand!! you have great potential just go deeper like the "stream"!!
Submission Name: The Stream Beneath Me
