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The Death

Author: Glassy Eyed
ASL Info:    17/f
Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 550 /427 /187
Words: 132
Class/Type: Poetry /Satire
Total Views: 987
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 835


The Death

And were you in the coffin?
When they lowered it into your grave?
And covered you with heaps of roses?
When they threw in the piles of dirt?
And said good bye to you for one last time?

And did you really die?
Or fool everyone with pitiful cries,
And mornful woes of pain and death,
When you took your final breath?
Or were you at your tricks and games,
Fooling everyone to laugh at their pain?
To get a little sympathy,
From their awful misery?

And if this is what you've done and said,
That curse you at your true death bed,
For when that time true does come,
To pain and mortification you'll succumb,
When you realize there's no one left
To help you through your woeful death.

Submitted on 2006-05-01 10:04:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  omfg ur like me u start alot off with and i always put the word AND in!

And if this is what you've done and said,
That curse you at your true death bed, a true death bed thats great this is kinda like somthing i would write only u alot better at finding things that have to do with dieing like a coffin and or death bed and i really like that about your writing all i come up with is like...idk nothing like that sept one i said grave stone....

From their awful misery?

hmm their?still amazing but i dont get who they are...

hmm i would write this a bit differntly

To get a little sympathy,
From their awful misery?

i like the word "just" maybe u could change it but i dont think u need to b/e its already really great... but it could read

All to get some sympathy,
just take away the misery?

thats how i would write it any ways..not saying its any better but its just i liked this one so much i wanna use it but i wont unless u say i can... i mean the one i sugested ill id give u credit for the idea if its ok cuz i have a poem in mind i could use that in....its just so like idk so ...great i mean sympathy thats just amazing vocabualry use!

i really loved this peice alot

| Posted on 2006-05-04 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
  very creative. it really brought me into that mood which made me remember past experiences involving death. and thats good to have your work stir up feelings in a reader. very good write, keep it up. ill be checking out more or your work.

- kase
| Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah, I loved how it left you wondering, and I'd be interested t o know who this is for, too. Anyway, this almost reminded me of a poem I wrote called Fighting for Nothing. The second stanza reminded me of it when you said "And did you really die?". But, in my poem, I was talking about myself.
Anys, good write.

Peace....for now or later
| Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  its good but leaves me wondering...who's it for and what happened to make you write this...good word choice...
| Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by suicidalacts72 | [ Reply to This ]

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