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    dots Submission Name: Between twodots

    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.04 - 136/243/154
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1011


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween twodots

    Guitars have died, the strident violins
    Have hushed away defiant strings,
    Their agitation kept vibrating in the
    Perfumed air against the reddened fingers.

    It was all petals, mortal white of lotus
    And delicately pink of blooming buds
    To sting and suffer in the cold and sail
    Into the hands of a fortuitous stranger.

    I saw you by the banisters,
    your face brushed by the light
    and stretching across the opening
    gates of universe,
    a shifting mold
    on the wetted window glass.

    Duality of our sins is no longer
    Smeared with awkward innocence
    Like stained and swollen lips;
    The river ate away the summer,
    Our sunset,
    Silent watchmen leave
    To guard our convoy ferries,
    While we kiss each other's eyes
    Forget and meet
    Beneath high-ceilinged twilight.

    Submitted on 2006-05-01 10:10:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Man! I can feel this....Best lines to me are
    your face brushed by the light
    and stretching across the opening
    gates of universe.......DUDE!
    I had to shift position on that......

    Duality of our sins is no longer
    Smeared with awkward innocence
    Like stained and swollen lips;

    UM HUH.....
    Like the first date....Then after the night has weaved it's mysterious magic we come together in a sea of knowing....
    Keep that going.......I'll be stopping by your page in the future for sure!
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]

    This is beautifully worded and very powerful. I love the decadent feel this has. It exudes this classic, patrician aura that makes for quite the reading experience. I really loved your imagery and descriptions in this. All in all a solid, unique write.

    Thanks for sharing.


    (oh, and I'm faving this)
    | Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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