Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Between two


Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 139 /257 /171
Words: 144
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1410
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1011



Description:




Between two



Guitars have died, the strident violins
Have hushed away defiant strings,
Their agitation kept vibrating in the
Perfumed air against the reddened fingers.

It was all petals, mortal white of lotus
And delicately pink of blooming buds
To sting and suffer in the cold and sail
Into the hands of a fortuitous stranger.

I saw you by the banisters,
your face brushed by the light
and stretching across the opening
gates of universe,
a shifting mold
on the wetted window glass.

Duality of our sins is no longer
Smeared with awkward innocence
Like stained and swollen lips;
The river ate away the summer,
Our sunset,
Silent watchmen leave
To guard our convoy ferries,
While we kiss each other's eyes
Forgive,
Forget and meet
Sometime
Beneath high-ceilinged twilight.








Submitted on 2006-05-01 10:10:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Man! I can feel this....Best lines to me are
your face brushed by the light
and stretching across the opening
gates of universe.......DUDE!
I had to shift position on that......

Duality of our sins is no longer
Smeared with awkward innocence
Like stained and swollen lips;

UM HUH.....
Like the first date....Then after the night has weaved it's mysterious magic we come together in a sea of knowing....
Keep that going.......I'll be stopping by your page in the future for sure!
| Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by smalltown | [ Reply to This ]
  expiring_touch,

This is beautifully worded and very powerful. I love the decadent feel this has. It exudes this classic, patrician aura that makes for quite the reading experience. I really loved your imagery and descriptions in this. All in all a solid, unique write.

Thanks for sharing.

drowning_queen

(oh, and I'm faving this)
| Posted on 2006-06-21 00:00:00 | by drowning_queen | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



101305