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As a child I dreamt of being an orphan
Living in a world where loving, gentle people
Would yearn to make me a part of their home
They would see me shine among the crowd
Of dirty, unkempt urchins
And want to make me their own

When I was a bit older, I dreamt of being blind
Wandering quietly through the days
With my sturdy guide-dog at my side
My silent beauty would shine
Because I would not be able to see myself
And therefore would be stunning and not know it
People would flock to be my friend
Admirers would love me from afar

I then dreamt that I could be sent to boarding school
To live away from my family
To start anew
To be whomever I wished to be
Because no one knew who I was, before
I could escape the life I knew
And begin again

When I was older
I dreamt that I was injured or ill
Lying in a pristine hospital bed
Delicate white skin against a pink blanket
I would have a glow about me
That would capture the heart of a young, handsome doctor
Who would fall helplessly in love with me
And save me in the end with his kiss

Because in real life
I felt ugly
I felt awkward and unwanted and fat
Unaccepted and shy and rejected
Ashamed to be in my own skin
Trapped within a life not of my making

And years later...I am still left aching

To be that someone I am not
In a place I've never been
To be seen for my beauty within
And WANTED by someone
Who would be gentle and kind
And never hurt me again

I guess I'm still dreaming