[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Spygamesdots

    Author: mara
    Elite Ratio:    6.38 - 65/74/20
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1163
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 858

       An ode to the clandestine agents.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I wonít say Iím an artist.
    Twenty years since I left the army,
    and Iím still a brute.
    A quiet, trilingual, slippery brute
    nondescript in faded gray.

    Donít believe this tripe
    about butchersí hands and
    poetsí souls;

    those epics sung, of gents with guns
    in leather shoes and silken suitsó
    chess games played under Tuscan sunsó

    or these doe-eyed myths of humane regret.

    Blood and ashes are never cleansed with tears
    (but bribery does the trickó
    or else, ammonia, in a pinch.)

    Iíve trodden Russians underfoot,
    buried them in congealing snow

    ónever looked back.

    Itís just a job by numbers, and Iím a clown,
    with a name of numbers,
    juggling with pulse and breath.

    Submitted on 2006-05-01 20:13:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like the subject matter, definately more "fictional" than most other posts, which is exciting. By far the greatest stanza is the 3rd... the sound is beautiful there. The repetition of that soft "es" sound (epics sung, gents, guns, shoes, silken suits, sun) is fantastic and, ironically, rather epics sounding.

    Personally I like the addition of Russians... it harkens back to the golden years (if you want to call them that) of spygames during the cold war. Although, in that stanza, I don't like the image of snow congealing. I assume it is supposed to hint at blood--we always hear of blood congealing--but I kept asking myself: does snow congeal? (my answer: no... it freezes or melts)

    I loved the first line and the idea that many belive these people to be "artists" of what they do. I wish this was played up more in the poem. You work to kind of dismiss this myth, it seems to me the poem itself (because it is so artistic/poetic) never lets this idea go and trys to keep the "James Bond" myth alive.

    cool write.
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by RodeoClown | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, the wordplay and alliteration in here moves beautifully. Secondly, the way you've taken on a persona (unless you were really a soldier twenty years ago) is wonderfully fresh and imaginative.

    Sonically, 'or these doe-eyed myths of humane regret.' doesn't sit with me. The way it transitions between your other parts jars. Maybe it's the word 'humane', I'm not sure. But otherwise, everything fits like a glove.

    I've tried my hardest to nitpick Sarah... really. It sings on its own already.

    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Very dramatic and first person to boot! Written in a not so obvious way, more matter of fact. That works very well. I like the way it tries to capture the realities of the untidy business at hand. No excuses offered or accepted.

    But why pick on Russians alone, when there are so may other bad guys to take out. Maybe some more current terrorists could benefit from being trodden and buried under the sand? It must be a British agent, you know the US doesn't do that kind of thing. All the dirty work gets farmed out anymore, so they say.

    I love the color, both real and imagined. Good job!
    | Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting piece. I like it. The subject is not your run of the mill bs, and the descriptions are honest and all to human. I don't know if this is written from personal experience, if it is about someone you know, or just how you imagine it would be to be one of these clandestine agents, as you say, but I think it was well done either way. I liek the honesty of how there is no looking back, and definately the honestly of how bribes can cleanse the memories. Well done.
    | Posted on 2006-05-01 00:00:00 | by ebflannery | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]