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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In Your Eyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Samuel Bielz
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 151/182/46
    Words: 131
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 182
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 802



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn Your Eyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You seem to have no flaws
    To be my perfect mate
    It seems that I'm dreaming
    To have this wonderful fate.
    But then I looked into your eyes...

    Your beauty overwhelms me,
    Your skin's so soft to touch.
    I thought I'd found my dream girl
    Which makes me love you this much
    But then I look into your eyes...

    I finally met the person whom,
    Was always in my dreams
    I could never love anybody more
    At least, so far, it seems.
    But then I look into your eyes...

    I looked in your eyes and realized,
    You aren't the girl of my dreams.
    You're real enough to hold and kiss,
    And I love you even more now
    Than when you were just a dream.




    Submitted on 2006-05-01 20:49:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hey baby! :o) I love the poem! (I love ALL the poems you've written me!) You mean the world to me and I can't wait to marry you! Love you!!!
    Brindie
    | Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by countrygirl0261 | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem was sweet and delicate, as a woman should be treated. Whomever the lucky girl is I wish her congrats because she's found someone that many girls (like myself) would truly and sincerely love. If I may ask, what made you write a poem of this nature? Just a question that sparks my attention. I wish you well, in your dreams and out, and keep in touch, I'd love to read more.
    5
    ~*AnGeL*~
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by missing_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Ohhhhh my. This could very easily be a song. Take the last stanza and make it a little longer and melodious, and you have a chart topper! I really, really like this! I try not to give rave reviews without saying why I like it, so here it goes.
    1. I like the rhymning, it isn't forced and flows easily.
    2. The piece speaks of deep affection without being syrupy... not easy to do.

    I would suggest using another word for eyes tho.... try orbs or green windows...... or something. Great write.
    | Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by Oracle | [ Reply to This ]



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