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    dots Submission Name: Son of Mandots

    Author: brokenmuse
    ASL Info:    26/F/AL
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 756/734/161
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489

       this is an old one, but I reformatted it and thought I would submit it.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSon of Mandots

    Set upon your cross to crucify
    Bleeding there, before my eyes
    Son of man, your life extinguished
    From this world you were relinquished

    Thorny crown upon your head
    But you, my prince, now are dead
    Although I know you will soon rise
    Tears of sadness fill my eyes

    Were you the entire worlds messiah,
    Or a lowly prophet, infamous pariah?
    Son of man, you paid the cost
    Think of all we might have lost.

    Submitted on 2006-05-01 22:48:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      good choices of words to propell the reader along, felt more of punch somehow was coming,,,but having finisheds it, it actually flowed well, said what u wanted it to say and the reaction i had speaks alot more of how used i am to shock value and over the top emotions...so I have learnewd to be aware of my own shallowness and sticking in meanings and intentions of my own and losing the message of what was very nicely accomplished. koster
    | Posted on 2008-01-20 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      I didnt feel any great emotion when i read your poem,and i seem to have seen a similar one,
    writing about religion,can lose you points,because,not everyone will see religion as you do.
    maybe you could have put more emotion and less religion not only crist got crucified so did thousands of others. apart from that very promising.
    | Posted on 2006-05-07 00:00:00 | by lesbianlynne | [ Reply to This ]
      That's really good. Not all people will see the good in your poem as shown because not all are religious, but thats just unfair if people judge your poem, based purely on the fact it's religious!
    im catholic and proud and i think it was very good!! KEEP WRITING!=]
    | Posted on 2006-05-06 00:00:00 | by lambers1625 | [ Reply to This ]

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