Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Emptyness


Author: Rain
ASL Info:    22/F/Idaho
Elite Ratio:    3.84 - 531 /514 /70
Words: 91
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1649
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 682



Description:




Emptyness



In the masses
are the faces,
of those you lost
have forgotten
and always wanted to meet.

The empty pages
of a book,
standing out are the words,
that are not there
and only appear in your head.

As the sky erupts in color,
the standing people look onward,
toward the dreams they have,
that will never be achieved,
and dreams they will remain.

Emptyness is the world around us
and the huddled majority,
means nothing,
for each individual feels...

alone




Submitted on 2006-05-02 08:32:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  This piece is pretty deep, I liked it pretty much, it has so much in common with world we live in, but I must say, your poem as a flaw... I'll have to agree on one point with missing_angel, their's a bit too much of what if's making me daze at some part of it, but in all the integrity, I must say that it was a beautiful work of art, and beside, if you wouldn't had putted all those what if's in it, it would have turned it all upside down, so what I got to say might be: Make it the way you like... If you like it that way, touch nothing, and if you want to get rid of all those what if'es then write a new one. But always remember of one thing tho, life is not white or black, be sure to stand in the right shade of grey, and maybe you coulds want to come up some time and see the lightest shade of life with me ;)

Keep it up.
-Gothik-
| Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by Gothik | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a really great piece of work. i can relate to what you are saying here. this is a perfect 10 and its going straight to my favorites. its nothing short of exceptional, and its the kind of work ive come to expect from you. as always it is awsome. keep it up.


xoxoxoxoxo,
billy
| Posted on 2006-05-03 00:00:00 | by kession | [ Reply to This ]
  WOAH!

This was really good! The whole time I was reading this, I was thinking about the world around me. There are faces that I have forgotten or never met. There are empty books that need stories written in them.

"As the sky erupts in color,
the standing people look onward,
toward the dreams they have,
that will never be achieved,
and dreams they will remain."

^ I love that part the best. The image of the sky exploding is astonishing!

Great Piece.

Missy
| Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by BabyMissy | [ Reply to This ]
  I didn't quite care for this piece. I like to read things that strike interest to me, not put me to sleep. It just seems too much of "what if", and if you live on those two words for your life your imagination won't expand. Just get used to the same old things. Same with writing. Good luck.
0
~*Angel*~
| Posted on 2006-05-02 00:00:00 | by missing_angel | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



101442